I think i'm unable to recover but how can i put an end to my life if i know that my family will experience deep suffering...
At this point i am convince that it is impossible for me to recover but if it was possible, i certainly would to do it.
My family just keep trying to find a way for me to recover but for me, it is useless at this point. They are desperate that i do not have any hope and do not want to implicate in some therapeutic thing by myself , i do thing like seeing a psychiatrist to please them and i'm honest with them. i tell them that i just do it for them, not for me, and that everything is pointless at this point.
If i was able to project myself in a bearable future, or even have any wish for the future i will do all i can to get better.
the issue is that i can understand intuitively that i will never. I never have been good in my life and things just got worse.
The past years made me gradually turning into an isolated and anehdonia zombie when i was already bad to begin with.
I'd like to be in the recovery section and searching for things to get better. I tried a lot of different therapy with some results for some of them but things has turned to bad to be able to be helped by anyone right now. All words feel empty and meaningless to me, i lost interest in anything and do not have any motivation to do anything. Even if i force myself to do something that i enjoyed in the past i feel a ridiculous amount of contentment to do it. My life when i was producing music miss me ( even if i was already a tortured person ) and for multiple reasons, i cannot go back to it. I almost completely lost my social life during the last years and cannot overwhelm the regret of so many great people that i do not see anymore neither i feel the drive to create a new social life as i'm too empty to socialize with others and even when i was surounded be people i, i always felt alienated socially in my whole life. My appartment is also a big deal for me as i do not like it a lot but i cannot afford to find a new place as i have no motivation to do it and i do not think it's going to change much at this point. Ctb at this point would be extremely meaningful to me as I feel like I've passed the point of no return. I will be in peace to know that i did all i can and there is no more reason to stay right now. The issue is that my family want that i try to recover and cannot accept that i left ( already talk to them about it a lot ) but how could you recover if you are convinced that you cannot ?
At this point i am convince that it is impossible for me to recover but if it was possible, i certainly would to do it.
My family just keep trying to find a way for me to recover but for me, it is useless at this point. They are desperate that i do not have any hope and do not want to implicate in some therapeutic thing by myself , i do thing like seeing a psychiatrist to please them and i'm honest with them. i tell them that i just do it for them, not for me, and that everything is pointless at this point.
If i was able to project myself in a bearable future, or even have any wish for the future i will do all i can to get better.
the issue is that i can understand intuitively that i will never. I never have been good in my life and things just got worse.
The past years made me gradually turning into an isolated and anehdonia zombie when i was already bad to begin with.
I'd like to be in the recovery section and searching for things to get better. I tried a lot of different therapy with some results for some of them but things has turned to bad to be able to be helped by anyone right now. All words feel empty and meaningless to me, i lost interest in anything and do not have any motivation to do anything. Even if i force myself to do something that i enjoyed in the past i feel a ridiculous amount of contentment to do it. My life when i was producing music miss me ( even if i was already a tortured person ) and for multiple reasons, i cannot go back to it. I almost completely lost my social life during the last years and cannot overwhelm the regret of so many great people that i do not see anymore neither i feel the drive to create a new social life as i'm too empty to socialize with others and even when i was surounded be people i, i always felt alienated socially in my whole life. My appartment is also a big deal for me as i do not like it a lot but i cannot afford to find a new place as i have no motivation to do it and i do not think it's going to change much at this point. Ctb at this point would be extremely meaningful to me as I feel like I've passed the point of no return. I will be in peace to know that i did all i can and there is no more reason to stay right now. The issue is that my family want that i try to recover and cannot accept that i left ( already talk to them about it a lot ) but how could you recover if you are convinced that you cannot ?
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