You know it's interesting. My stepmom said offhand a few weeks ago "if you're suicidal, then you're homicidal." Which isn't objectively true at all, but I stopped to think about it and added some nuance - if you are willing and desiring to die, it would be easier for you to commit a violent act IF that's already your intention. Another thing - I truly believe once you've crossed the threshold into wanting to die and death has been denied to you, it sickens the soul. Like you have an open wound left to fester and stew and it becomes infected, which can lead to violent thoughts. HOWEVER, once you add Psychiatry into the mix, and people who have attempted CTB or even voiced their desire to CTB are likely to become entangled with coercive Psychiatry and that's where the real problems start. Psych Drugs can absolutely rewire a person's brain to act out violently - no different than how bath salts can make a normal person want to chew someone's face off.
Some of the drugs Psychiatrists have forced me to take made me say such ugly things to people I would never dream of saying. Research school shooters! Most school shooters were on hard Psych drugs that obviously did not agree with them - and they were COERCED into taking them by either clueless parents or Psychiatrists looking to experiment without giving a damn about their wellbeing.
As for me personally - if I put the things I fantasize into writing ANYWHERE the cops will be knocking at my door waiting to haul me off to Psychiatrists, I've learned that good and well. Which is funny because a lot of those dark fantasies are centered around Psychiatrists and the kind of people who become them. Also my mother and sister. The things I've thought about doing to my mother and sister...
BUT - I would never act out on these fantasies. Because I know my CTB is imminent and while Karma is reversed on this Prison Planet and violent, evil actions will get you everywhere in this corner of existence, I truly don't know what penalties those actions carry after death. Maybe none, maybe after we die we fade into oblivion. But if we do have a chance to escape this Prison Planet after we die, it would be really, really stupid of me to muck everything up and rack up Karmic debt in my last couple months of life.
It used to happen to me but lately, thinking about it carefully, I think that killing someone in the end is like doing them a favor, you free them in a certain sense, when they die they won't be sad because you killed them, you end up in legal trouble needlessly.
THIS. This is exactly right. And it's really a brilliant way to look at the act of killing. You think you're doing the worst thing you can to someone, but in reality you free a person from this Prison Planet and put yourself in lockdown both physically and Karmically. By killing, you only hurt yourself. Which makes perfect sense on a backwards Planet like this one.
@JustBeingHere377 I would suggest you write these feelings in a handwritten journal. Sketch violent pictures in it if you're so inclined. Take it out on the paper, and keep the journal to yourself. It's okay to have these fantasies. I have them too. But UNDERSTAND - the consequences of violent actions, at least for people in positions like ours, is never worth it. I don't know if you're planning on CTB soon, but think of it like this - CTB is getting released from this Prison Planet. Do you really want to muck things up by shanking someone in jail so close to your release?
