• UK users: Due to a formal investigation into this site by Ofcom under the UK Online Safety Act 2023, we strongly recommend using a trusted, no-logs VPN. This will help protect your privacy, bypass censorship, and maintain secure access to the site. Read the full VPN guide here.

  • Hey Guest,

    Today, OFCOM launched an official investigation into Sanctioned Suicide under the UK’s Online Safety Act. This has already made headlines across the UK.

    This is a clear and unprecedented overreach by a foreign regulator against a U.S.-based platform. We reject this interference and will be defending the site’s existence and mission.

    In addition to our public response, we are currently seeking legal representation to ensure the best possible defense in this matter. If you are a lawyer or know of one who may be able to assist, please contact us at [email protected].

    Read our statement here:

    Donate via cryptocurrency:

    Bitcoin (BTC): 34HyDHTvEhXfPfb716EeEkEHXzqhwtow1L
    Ethereum (ETH): 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9
    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8
S

spadez

New Member
Jun 17, 2020
1
i''m lost.

i know i'm very young. however, i've had these thoughts since i was 7. i would make up scenarios in my head where i passed away and everyone grieved. it didn't seem so bad. i was always top of my class, school even. i was years ahead of my own curriculum. but it changed this year. grades were everything to me and i didn't have too much of a social life. all i ever knew was school. i didn't like that. i changed myself and tried to fit in more. my grades took a nose dive. as of now, i'm sure i'm failing most of my classes. to my peers, i'm spontaneous and empathetic. deep down, i don't think i feel much. human emotions confuse me. before reacting to situations, i always have to analyze it. after a bit, it was natural for me. even so, i feel oddly infuriated at times. in the heat of the moment, i imagine murdering people in cold blood multiple ways. in fact, this started from 7 as well. i would think of planning a fire to burn my family alive. i still think of that today. the feeling is getting stronger, especially now i don't care if i die in the process. i know this makes me sound like a potential serial killer but for now, i don't think i plan to act on these urges anytime soon.

sometimes i think i want help. i think maybe i do. something tells me i feel desperation. i'm desperate to find an answer for my life. death seems to be the closest one. i don't have access to pain-free methods so for now, i'll just keep trying what i can. but one day, i'll get tired of living a life in third person.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: oivoi
I

itsallover

Arcanist
Jun 29, 2018
478
It sounds like you're dealing with apathy. I don't enjoy anything anymore after dealing chronic health issues for four years. I think you should see a professional, because it looks like you're getting desperate and can seriously harm yourself and leave yourself damaged for life.
 
T

timf

Enlightened
Mar 26, 2020
1,369
The feeling of disconnect and social difficulty may indicate ASD (used to be called Aspergers). You may want to look at wrongplanet.com to see if some of that could apply. If it does, there are some who have worked out different coping strategies that might be helpful.

The ideation of harming people might seem harmless, but there is a danger that it can grow to become something you might act on. This can happen when we construct a mental scenario that we use to provide relief from anxiety or support a feeling of control. In a way these thoughts can become addictive.

Your inclination to analyze things can be a real asset. It may seem like a hurdle to smooth social interaction, but it can be a life saver when used to evaluate consequences. For example, a less discriminating person might more easily be talked into doing something rash by a companion of low character. The ability to analyze can help avoid people who might be a bad influence.
 

Similar threads

fruitcup333
Replies
1
Views
135
Suicide Discussion
tung tung sahur
tung tung sahur
SoulCage
Replies
11
Views
280
Suicide Discussion
UserFromNowhere
U
maneose
Replies
2
Views
225
Recovery
maneose
maneose
T
Replies
3
Views
377
Recovery
Forever Sleep
F
P
Replies
1
Views
145
Suicide Discussion
Griever
Griever