Thaneem
Member
- Oct 28, 2021
- 53
I got to thinking about something that I've never thought of before and was wondering if anyone else can relate.
Like many people, I've looked back on my life at stupid choices I've made and thought, "if only I didn't do that". I realized awhile ago that really, even making the "right" choice in most instances wouldnt have impacted the generally poor direction I've been headed down for a long time. I was fucked in my 30s, my 20s, my teens.
I didn't speak until the age of 4. My parents thought I was deaf and brought me to a Dr. He said I was fine and that was that.
By the age of 6 I was the opposite - extremely destructive, disruptive and aggressive toward my peers. It was so bad the school told my mom they'd put me in special ed but couldn't justify it based on my grades and IQ.
I went to public school, but there was a psychiatrist on staff. She worked with me. I was put on ritilin and by age 10 I was functional.
Then we moved. No more psychiatrist. My parents thought I was all better, but by 12 I was right back to the same shit and by 14 I was so much worse. I don't even want to say the things I did. Why did no see it?
My grades dropped through high school and I barely graduates. No conception of a future at all. My friends turned on me....they were worried about me and scared of me and couldnt handle it
In the 20 years since I've wavered between near homelessness and a middle class existence. Sometimes starving in an efficiency hotel room and sometimes going to work in a suit and tie. No stability.
I know this is so long and rambling. I guess what I'm wondering is, why did no one see how far gone I was or care? I'm 44 and feel like I was doomed at 11. Can anyone relate?
Like many people, I've looked back on my life at stupid choices I've made and thought, "if only I didn't do that". I realized awhile ago that really, even making the "right" choice in most instances wouldnt have impacted the generally poor direction I've been headed down for a long time. I was fucked in my 30s, my 20s, my teens.
I didn't speak until the age of 4. My parents thought I was deaf and brought me to a Dr. He said I was fine and that was that.
By the age of 6 I was the opposite - extremely destructive, disruptive and aggressive toward my peers. It was so bad the school told my mom they'd put me in special ed but couldn't justify it based on my grades and IQ.
I went to public school, but there was a psychiatrist on staff. She worked with me. I was put on ritilin and by age 10 I was functional.
Then we moved. No more psychiatrist. My parents thought I was all better, but by 12 I was right back to the same shit and by 14 I was so much worse. I don't even want to say the things I did. Why did no see it?
My grades dropped through high school and I barely graduates. No conception of a future at all. My friends turned on me....they were worried about me and scared of me and couldnt handle it
In the 20 years since I've wavered between near homelessness and a middle class existence. Sometimes starving in an efficiency hotel room and sometimes going to work in a suit and tie. No stability.
I know this is so long and rambling. I guess what I'm wondering is, why did no one see how far gone I was or care? I'm 44 and feel like I was doomed at 11. Can anyone relate?
