Venting Trans in the US

[undecidedfool]

Are any other trans people in the US thinking of ctb sooner than you planned with the escalation of anti-trans legislation?
Maybe I'd push past the will to die if there weren't so many people actively wishing people like me didn't exist. Every time I see or read news it just gives me an impending sense of doom. I try to avoid it, but then I feel like an ignorant, avoidant asshole and the sense of doom barely fades.
Obviously I wish I could live without depression, but holy hell I wish more I could exist without this bullshit

 

[tonicer]

Be happy you live in the US. I know trans people from other places where they are actively being hunted and killed. Just being hated doesn't seem so bad in comparison to me at least.

 

[Bitch With An Apple]

I took the coward's way out and backed out of full female presentation. I just can't be assed to deal with the constant paranoia anymore.
I've noticed lots of forms ask for "sex at conception" or something similar now that they didn't before.
I got the F (instead of M) on my driver's license early on, and an official name change. If you haven't already, whether or not you should pursue that depends on how you think things will go down when they crack down on that, I think. Could be something you should do now before regulations change (my gut says it's better to move now), but also if you're afraid of scrutiny after the fact, it might make sense not to. Idk. Definitely stock up on HRT now; it's much easier to get than it was 10 years ago but that might change. I know with drivers licenses recently you can pick your gender from a dropdown menu and they don't require documentation like they did before (at least in my state). That probably won't last.

To directly answer your question, it has no bearing on my personal feelings about suicide, though. I'm at the point where I know who I am and people can call me whatever they want and I don't really care. I take the low conflict route. It's not fulfilling but it's easy.

 

[undecidedfool]

I took the coward's way out and backed out of full female presentation. I just can't be assed to deal with the constant paranoia anymore.
I've noticed lots of forms ask for "sex at conception" or something similar now that they didn't before.
I got the F (instead of M) on my driver's license early on, and an official name change. If you haven't already, whether or not you should pursue that depends on how you think things will go down when they crack down on that, I think. Could be something you should do now before regulations change (my gut says it's better to move now), but also if you're afraid of scrutiny after the fact, it might make sense not to. Idk. Definitely stock up on HRT now; it's much easier to get than it was 10 years ago but that might change. I know with drivers licenses recently you can pick your gender from a dropdown menu and they don't require documentation like they did before. That probably won't last.

To directly answer your question, it has no bearing on my personal feelings about suicide, though. I'm at the point where I know who I am and people can call me whatever they want and I don't really care. I take the low conflict route. It's not fulfilling but it's easy.

I always feel like I'm taking the cowards way out. I'm FtM and pass well enough to be stealth 99% of the time. I don't stand up for myself or others. At most I say "to each their own" when someone says or does something shitty.
I think there's so much more I could do to help other trans people, but I'm a coward and would rather hide away from conflict. I think to ctb would be the bravest thing for myself, but I think a better person would fight harder.
I think I'm weak and a coward.

 

[Bitch With An Apple]

I always feel like I'm taking the cowards way out. I'm FtM and pass well enough to be stealth 99% of the time. I don't stand up for myself or others. At most I say "to each their own" when someone says or does something shitty.
I think there's so much more I could do to help other trans people, but I'm a coward and would rather hide away from conflict. I think to ctb would be the bravest thing for myself, but I think a better person would fight harder.
I think I'm weak and a coward.

From my POV going out there and presenting yourself as you are is already courageous. A lot of times how to best approach conflict comes down to survival, imo. I might be biased but being trans can be dangerous and you have to pick your battles. There were tons of times I had to placate people with "opinions", reject guys I liked (although in retrospect they probably knew; but unless it's stated outright idk about that) or keep my head down because it wasn't worth the physical risk. Don't beat yourself up. Just being yourself is brave and it's something that few people will ever understand or have to deal with themselves.

There's also nothing cowardly about being stealth and protecting that image. You get an approximation of the social reality that cis members of your gender experience every day. It was ultimately isolating and draining for me, personally, but it was worth it to know what that perspective is like and to feel superficially "normal" for probably the only time ever.

 

[vinicuit]

i'm a transman, not from the us, but i live in the country that most kills transgender people in the world and i know exatcly how you feel.
it's very much exhausting trying to go by my day while dealing with a reality where people want me dead... people tell me to stay alive as a way of resistence against society, but it just makes me more anxious to ctb... i already feel like my life is not worthy, and the way things are going just prove me i'm right