hey everyone, first time poster but long time lurker/occasional commenter here
today has been one hell of a rough day. to cut a long story short im late twenties, live with a parent and am signed off sick atm so no job and no way of moving out. parent and i argue relentlessly, they doesnt understand me or even try. etc etc etc. im awaiting an adhd assessment and one of the main things i struggle with are symptoms consistent with rejection sensitivity. which has lead me to here, wishing i didnt exist and so convinced everyone is better off without me. i have no ctb plan or method, just a burning desire to be gone. this has escalated today by my sick cat. its irrational as fuck and i know this. my cat has an infection, feels unsafe and unwell and is hissing at, growling at and attacking both me and parent. parent is shut in a room trying to keep her calm while i am upstairs with other cat. i cant do anything for her bc im nervous and now scared, i feel guilty for feeling scared and guilty for taking it so so incredibly personally but i just cant help it. cant shut my brain off and its just fuelling my "everyones better off without me" theory which was already quite a strong belief
however a weird thing has happened. idk if it was just a uk thing but does anyone remember scoubidou/scoobies/scoubis/those plastic string things? they were my favourite as a kid. i found a 20 year old carrier bag full of them this afternoon, that ive looked for over the years, in a recently used suitcase. both me and parent have no reason or explanation for them being there. but ive been doing them all day, keeping my hands busy, keeping the urge to s/h mostly at bay. a sign or a coincidence??? either way, the distraction is welcome today.
tysm for reading and please keep my sweet girl in your thoughts <3
today has been one hell of a rough day. to cut a long story short im late twenties, live with a parent and am signed off sick atm so no job and no way of moving out. parent and i argue relentlessly, they doesnt understand me or even try. etc etc etc. im awaiting an adhd assessment and one of the main things i struggle with are symptoms consistent with rejection sensitivity. which has lead me to here, wishing i didnt exist and so convinced everyone is better off without me. i have no ctb plan or method, just a burning desire to be gone. this has escalated today by my sick cat. its irrational as fuck and i know this. my cat has an infection, feels unsafe and unwell and is hissing at, growling at and attacking both me and parent. parent is shut in a room trying to keep her calm while i am upstairs with other cat. i cant do anything for her bc im nervous and now scared, i feel guilty for feeling scared and guilty for taking it so so incredibly personally but i just cant help it. cant shut my brain off and its just fuelling my "everyones better off without me" theory which was already quite a strong belief
however a weird thing has happened. idk if it was just a uk thing but does anyone remember scoubidou/scoobies/scoubis/those plastic string things? they were my favourite as a kid. i found a 20 year old carrier bag full of them this afternoon, that ive looked for over the years, in a recently used suitcase. both me and parent have no reason or explanation for them being there. but ive been doing them all day, keeping my hands busy, keeping the urge to s/h mostly at bay. a sign or a coincidence??? either way, the distraction is welcome today.
tysm for reading and please keep my sweet girl in your thoughts <3
