nails
wait i'm goated
- Feb 12, 2023
- 387
i'm so disconnected from everyone. i'm good at interacting with others and it seems like the people i work with at least like me—even if they have little to no desire to actually get to know me—but i feel so out of touch. i just can't relate to anyone, every conversation feels so sad. i spent most of my childhood alone in my house, so i have no experiences or interesting stories. i can't make new memories because there's nothing to do. i have nowhere to go, no one to do anything with, no way to get around. i just sit in my room and zone out or self harm until it's time to sleep. i'm only capable of talking about work because i don't do anything else.
this leaves me with nothing to talk to about. small talk is an absolute nightmare. i never have an answer to the most basic questions that i get asked every day. "any plans when you get home?" no. "are you watching/playing anything new?" no. "any plans for x event/holiday?" no. "have you ever tried x activity?" no.
even the more open questions, like stuff pertaining to food or what i'll be eating for dinner get kind of sad. i eat the same exact thing every day, so the question starts feeling redundant.
i try to make sure that the other party remains the focus of conversation, just to keep it going. it keeps the conversation alive and the other person interested, but it makes me seem even more distant—and some people i've talked to have pointed that out to me. what am i supposed to do about it? i try to become interested in new things, but it just makes me sad. am i supposed to lie? i already do it occasionally, i'll say that i'm rewatching an old show or replaying an old game, but even that comes off as stupid after you say it so many times. am i supposed to be extremely open and honest and give out every detail of how depressed i am, how it ruins everything, and all the destructive behaviors i engage in? no, you know they'd just get annoyed by that shit. that's how i've lost multiple people. people don't actually care, they just want to be entertained. every option leads to another shitty outcome.
i just don't relate to anyone at all. i hardly even relate to other depressed losers. whenever i vent about my situation, people can't even seem to fathom it. they'll swear they understand and then prove that they don't. i was pretty empty minded and distracted for a while, now all i can think about is ending it. i'm trying to get a car, but idk how long that'll take. i think it'll be easy to ctb if i can just drive somewhere random for a day.
this leaves me with nothing to talk to about. small talk is an absolute nightmare. i never have an answer to the most basic questions that i get asked every day. "any plans when you get home?" no. "are you watching/playing anything new?" no. "any plans for x event/holiday?" no. "have you ever tried x activity?" no.
even the more open questions, like stuff pertaining to food or what i'll be eating for dinner get kind of sad. i eat the same exact thing every day, so the question starts feeling redundant.
i try to make sure that the other party remains the focus of conversation, just to keep it going. it keeps the conversation alive and the other person interested, but it makes me seem even more distant—and some people i've talked to have pointed that out to me. what am i supposed to do about it? i try to become interested in new things, but it just makes me sad. am i supposed to lie? i already do it occasionally, i'll say that i'm rewatching an old show or replaying an old game, but even that comes off as stupid after you say it so many times. am i supposed to be extremely open and honest and give out every detail of how depressed i am, how it ruins everything, and all the destructive behaviors i engage in? no, you know they'd just get annoyed by that shit. that's how i've lost multiple people. people don't actually care, they just want to be entertained. every option leads to another shitty outcome.
i just don't relate to anyone at all. i hardly even relate to other depressed losers. whenever i vent about my situation, people can't even seem to fathom it. they'll swear they understand and then prove that they don't. i was pretty empty minded and distracted for a while, now all i can think about is ending it. i'm trying to get a car, but idk how long that'll take. i think it'll be easy to ctb if i can just drive somewhere random for a day.
