To entangle, or not to entangle?

[thankyouforthis]

Conventional wisdom dictates that humans are social animals who thrive in connection with other humans and wither amid a lack of said connection.
I've always been somewhat of a loner, but I have had a few friends, have had partners and even have a partner right now.
I also have siblings and one living parent.

My brother once told me something I'd already suspected, but had not committed to and really didn't wanna look at too closely. He said that humans are a liability. He said having people in your life is a drain on your emotional, financial, and time-related resources. For this reason, he has chosen over the years to minimize his involvement with others. He only ever has 1-2 people in his life at a time, and "in his life" can be as noncommittal as an email every 6 months or so. Not "in his life" like people he actually sees on a regular basis or anything like that.

I don't have any financial resources for anyone else to drain, but I have wondered if I might be more talented, smarter etc. today if I'd continued to develop my talents past the age of 18 instead of getting involved in romances, partying etc. as is young people's wont. I used to be very bright, but feel that now, I can hardly remember anything. I remember broad strokes, but not finer details. I used to be an amazing violinist, but now I have all of these medical conditions and I had to sell my violin years ago due to poverty-- poverty caused directly by an ex who was robbing me for drug money (found out when I got an eviction notice because I had supposedly never paid rent when I'd been giving him my rent share month after month for nearly a year). So I don't even have one and even if I did, there's no way I'd be as good as I once was. Not even close.

I'll try to wrap this up, sorry. I guess what I'm getting at is...I'm still not really sure whether having others in one's life is beneficial or harmful. The easy answer is "Depends on who the person/people are," but even having a lot of good people in your life can be draining in some ways. (For instance, I did find it hard to keep up with all of the birthday and Christmas presents expected of me as my sisters continued to have more and more children, until I eventually just announced that I'm not sending anyone Christmas presents anymore. I just can't afford it.) Meanwhile, with romance in particular, people speak of this like it's the Holy Grail but I find myself riddled with anxiety in my current romance and often think it would be better if I were single. (But then I'd also probably be homeless, so ::).

I guess I'm curious as to how y'all deal with this. What's your MO? Nobody at all, your one true bestie, a revolving door of folks about whom you only moderately give a shit? How do you socialize, if you socialize at all? Are other humans an asset, a liability, or both? Discuss!

 

[QuinineGuy]

I think we become more depressed when we are alone. We're social creatures that rely on each other. I mean- being lonely is brutal- and I think finding your people is the best way to do it. As you get older, it gets tougher to make friends... but man- you need to try.

I don't think you should look at it as a cost/benefit- but rather, do those people give you love and do you give love back (in whatever form).

 

[quins]

I felt, not so much "disentanglement", but "disenchantment" about having needed to constantly modify my behaviour in order to not "ruin" a prospective relationship; all of which before I became a complete "shut-in" at the age of thirtyish, now forty-seven, still headstrong in the "lack of people" in my life.

If you can balance out these things, then you should, the problem is becoming "oversaturated" with petty influences and spending your time in less than frugal ways.

 

[bankai]

Yeah. I've basically stuck with the one friend I've had from childhood. I've made tons of other friends along the way, but they've all fell aside. I have the opportunity to make more friends and be more social. But yes, it's very difficult. At least for me personally. Those social obligations are all Pretty difficult for me to conform to.I don't want to HAVE to message them during special occasions etc.
Unfortunately, it seems like society places a ton of obligations on us in order to keep our friends in our social circle.