Venting Tired of no one taking me seriously and being seen as a bad person for speaking the truth

[sallyfisher]

Pretty much what the title says. The last time I tried to off myself was all because my doctor told me she thought I was making things up. When I was genuinely spiraling and ended up in the hospital. Everyone ignored me. And I just don't want to see any more doctors again. She dropped me after telling me basically she had no idea what was going on with me… but it's probably a good thing if she's so ok with telling her own patients something that could be genuinely harmful to anyone who really is having a hard enough time already. I'm tired of everyone saying things like that they're there for me and stuff but when I actually want to tell them what's on my mind or what im struggling with all of a sudden it's too dark and depressing and stressful for them to hear. And I don't tell doctors shit because they either don't take me seriously or suggest things I've tried already that don't even help me at all.or want to put me on more medications. I don't trust them at all

Another thing is I'm really sick of people acting like I'm a horrible and unforgivable heartless person all because of some bad stuff that happened to me in the past. Basically what happened is a couple people I met started to manipulate and abuse me physically and mentally and pretty much gang up on me after years of believing I was friends with them, one of them beat me with a metal bat for bribe money because the other person wanted "revenge" on me which was literally just their own hatred, I didn't even do anything wrong to them at all, and they knew that but didn't care, they abused me in the past when we used to know each other, and previously framed it to everyone as me being the one who did all those things to them, and this second person who beat me with a weapon, believed them over me and was perfectly fine with doing what they did because "oh I got money".

And then all this other crazy shit happened which was basically that the person who beat me, got found out by their parents and then manipulated them and my own family too into feeling sorry for them and siding with them, even after I explained and cried my eyes out to them. and claimed they were just mentally ill or whatever even though they told me and others I didn't know, they didn't have anything like that. This person also blackmailed me a bunch of times trying to make even strangers at events we would go to together into believing I was a bad person because I was "psychotic" and that somehow made me violent and crazy. Also for context this person is insanely manipulative I did everything I could to get away from them because it's that bad. And turns out their entire family was just batshit crazy to begin with too, like they would abuse each other but paint it as they were perfect or whatever, you know typical manipulative behavior… and they're loved by pretty much everyone who knows them especially the person who beat me. It's fucked lol…

But I think the worst part about all of this is no matter how much I try to move on and accept apparently somehow this is too crazy of a thing to happen for anyone to believe me or take me seriously that it traumatized me, I really can't and some fucking how even a therapist I went to didn't believe me. Everyone tells me I just have false memories and shit. It genuinely sucks ass this person can just go around being so charismatic and whatever and they probably are telling people all the time I was a horrible person and evil. i guess it just isn't enough there's someone out there who actually wants me dead…

Idk recently ive just been so tired of thinking about all this stuff and I genuinely don't know if I can even do anything about it anymore. It's not like I want to go to therapy for all this shit and then have them tell me they don't believe me all because some shitty psychiatrist in the past had the audacity to tell me something which made me attempt suicide. I always feel like im going to be hated for who I am and that no matter what I do im always going to get into horrible situations like this even when I try my hardest not to. Just another couple things that give me a reason to leave.

I mean I have stuff to look forward to I guess but nothing is ever going to make me feel safe again and I can't even go do things I enjoy anymore like events I used to go to, because those two evil ass people go to all those places. Yeah if I could I'd get them arrested but they manipulated me to where I don't have any evidence against them..

I've been trying to make new friends and other stuff like that, but every time it goes to shit or no one wants to talk to me lol or those two people SOMEHOW find every social group I get into and blackmail/lie about me against them and then the new people I meet hate me. They never stop. so that's fun. It really just adds onto everything. I have no idea what im even doing at this point. I'm trying to improve my life so im somehow happier but life seems to love to hate me.

 

[timf]

It sounds like you need to get better at identifying toxic people and avoiding them. Also you might want to avoid sharing everything with new people you meet as it can be overwhelming.

It might be helpful to expand your inner life that has less dependence or interaction with others. If you can find hobbies. books that interest you, or even videos you like to watch alone, you might be able to find some peace in periodic solitude. From a point of security, you might be better able to invite someone into your life or exclude them so that you are able to have greater control.