Venting Tired of being used for support

[22yearsbroken]

It may just be me... im i cant deal with a so called friend... who just constantly needs babying.. always dragging me needing constant care cos he cant sort hus own shit out.. so call me at all hours whinging... as if im sort sort of pissin Dr.Phil... ive got my own problems and pains to deal with im tired of trying to be mr happy for him.. ive tried explai ing all this that i dont have time to dral with his shit being put on my shoulders to try and sort out for him he owes me a ton of money aswell how do i stop being used in this way i struggle to manage my own life on an hourly basis without having all the extra wait to carry..

Just feel angry right now .. and ready to fucking just down a btl of vodka and some codiene and just pissing pass iut for the next 2 days .

 

[Message In A Bottle]

I get like this too. Idk just throughout my life people just never given me the same effort that I put in. It's frustrating…I feel taken advantaged of. I hate the off handed comments that imply that I'm just not as important as other people.

Then they have the gall to moan about how they aren't loved and yada yada…it's like really? I'm RIGHT here and you say that? I've poured my heart and soul to you. Dedicated my time to you…it's just very unappreciative and makes me feel inadequate.

I think I may spoil people too much. Or just put out too much love? I don't even know. I'm sure part of it is on me for choosing people who are emotionally unavailable. Much like my parents who were to me.

I like what I was never meant to have. A vicious cycle no doubt heh.

Anywho, just getting a lifelong conundrum I've faced off my chest.

You deserve so much better than receiving bare minimum scraps from people who don't see your invaluable friendship.

 

[22yearsbroken]

I get like this too. Idk just throughout my life people just never given me the same effort that I put in. It's frustrating…I feel taken advantaged of. I hate the off handed comments that imply that I'm just not as important as other people.

Then they have the gall to moan about how they aren't loved and yada yada…it's like really? I'm RIGHT here and you say that? I've poured my heart and soul to you. Dedicated my time to you…it's just very unappreciative and makes me feel inadequate.

I think I may spoil people too much. Or just put out too much love? I don't even know. I'm sure part of it is on me for choosing people who are emotionally unavailable. Much like my parents who were to me.

I like what I was never meant to have. A vicious cycle no doubt heh.

Anywho, just getting a lifelong conundrum I've faced off my chest.

You deserve so much better than receiving bare minimum scraps from people who don't see your invaluable friendship.

Its always the way.. ibtry to stwp away and be just like them but.. its not in my nature ive tried explaining my thoughts but the xonversation always ends upnflipped upside down and ends up all about them as if my life means nothing ....

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

It may just be me... im i cant deal with a so called friend... who just constantly needs babying.. always dragging me needing constant care cos he cant sort hus own shit out.. so call me at all hours whinging... as if im sort sort of pissin Dr.Phil... ive got my own problems and pains to deal with im tired of trying to be mr happy for him.. ive tried explai ing all this that i dont have time to dral with his shit being put on my shoulders to try and sort out for him he owes me a ton of money aswell how do i stop being used in this way i struggle to manage my own life on an hourly basis without having all the extra wait to carry..

Just feel angry right now .. and ready to fucking just down a btl of vodka and some codiene and just pissing pass iut for the next 2 days .

Unplug, now. Be glad it's not a close family member.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

Its always the way.. ibtry to stwp away and be just like them but.. its not in my nature ive tried explaining my thoughts but the xonversation always ends upnflipped upside down and ends up all about them as if my life means nothing ....

I hear you. And that isn't fair to you…it's all about balance. A mutual exchange to show how much you appreciate each other. That's what friendship is to me. And this person seems to have some narcissistic tendencies to where they prioritize their own needs while completely glossing over yours.

I wouldn't call that much of a friend.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I understand that you want to be a good friend, so it's hard to just ignore them when they ask for stuff. I think you may have to start upping the ante on how much you are struggling. Financially even- if you want your money back.

If you make it clearer on how much you are struggling, it will surely seem fairer to now and again say- 'I'm sorry. I want to be a good friend to you. I do care that you're suffering but, I'm struggling so much myself at the moment, I don't think I can help you.' That's reasonable and, better than just ghosting them.

If they still carry on though, I think you can reasonably say: 'I'm not going to be able to be available to you so much while I'm struggling to sort my own problems out.' That gives them a clear reason as to why you can't be there. After that, I think it's reasonable to start saying- 'I'm sorry but, I don't feel like I can help.' In the end, hopefully they'll take the hint.

A friend used to vent to me a lot. I was also finding that I couldn't cope with their problems on top of mine. It was partly reciprocal with us so, I made more effort not to vent to them and eventually, it tailed off more.

It does seem cruel but then, we don't always have the strength to carry others as well as ourselves. I had to realise that I was overly clingy and dependent on a friend once. It isn't actually reasonable to expect that much.

Do you know whether they have other support systems, a therapist etc? It's a bit mean pushing them off onto someone else but, in a way, maybe it's better than leaving them with nothing or, just ghosting them. I think it's reasonable to say that they need more than you can give at the moment. You still care about them and want them to feel better but, can they look towards receiving support elsewhere?

 

[22yearsbroken]

I understand that you want to be a good friend, so it's hard to just ignore them when they ask for stuff. I think you may have to start upping the ante on how much you are struggling. Financially even- if you want your money back.

If you make it clearer on how much you are struggling, it will surely seem fairer to now and again say- 'I'm sorry. I want to be a good friend to you. I do care that you're suffering but, I'm struggling so much myself at the moment, I don't think I can help you.' That's reasonable and, better than just ghosting them.

If they still carry on though, I think you can reasonably say: 'I'm not going to be able to be available to you so much while I'm struggling to sort my own problems out.' That gives them a clear reason as to why you can't be there. After that, I think it's reasonable to start saying- 'I'm sorry but, I don't feel like I can help.' In the end, hopefully they'll take the hint.

A friend used to vent to me a lot. I was also finding that I couldn't cope with their problems on top of mine. It was partly reciprocal with us so, I made more effort not to vent to them and eventually, it tailed off more.

It does seem cruel but then, we don't always have the strength to carry others as well as ourselves. I had to realise that I was overly clingy and dependent on a friend once. It isn't actually reasonable to expect that much.

Do you know whether they have other support systems, a therapist etc? It's a bit mean pushing them off onto someone else but, in a way, maybe it's better than leaving them with nothing or, just ghosting them. I think it's reasonable to say that they need more than you can give at the moment. You still care about them and want them to feel better but, can they look towards receiving support elsewhere?

Ive pointed him more directiins than a compass can give... i spoke with him yesterday and just told him... ive got my own stuff to sort and all hus bullsbit excusses are getting old ... and to be honest its in his hands now and up to him what he does next ..to old and to tired and burntout to pissing around.. its his life so its his choice to start getting help or not im not his keeper.. as for the hundreds of £s i dont care about it ..its only money.. he is going throufh alcohol issues has a daughter .. its alcohol that got me to the point of a terminal diagnosis .. a d i dont want him to get to this point but you cant help those who dont want the help so ive stepped back and just gotta let him figure it out ..

 

[Forever Sleep]

Ive pointed him more directiins than a compass can give... i spoke with him yesterday and just told him... ive got my own stuff to sort and all hus bullsbit excusses are getting old ... and to be honest its in his hands now and up to him what he does next ..to old and to tired and burntout to pissing around.. its his life so its his choice to start getting help or not im not his keeper.. as for the hundreds of £s i dont care about it ..its only money.. he is going throufh alcohol issues has a daughter .. its alcohol that got me to the point of a terminal diagnosis .. a d i dont want him to get to this point but you cant help those who dont want the help so ive stepped back and just gotta let him figure it out ..

Yeah, it sounds as if you've done all you can. Maybe being left to himself, he'll get his shit together. It's hard to tell sometimes. Maybe the whole: 'cruel to be kind' thing sometimes carries weight.

Alchoholism I suspect needs more than just friendly support though. I imagine it takes a lot to quit. Most importantly, the will to do it from the person. Do you suppose he truly wants to quit?

 

[22yearsbroken]

His word say yes... his words fall on deaf ears now... its a tough tbing to beat dont get me wrong and he has done it before... the thing that has pissed me off is that he a walking talking 8year old daughter ...and if thats not a reason then.. i and dont what could be.. but as you said " cruel to be kind" with alcohol you have to have that " penny drop " moment until then its in his own hands now.. there has been some heated words about other things that has made me decide ro nust cut ties.. the pain and loss i feel daily 24/7 was brought up by him so thats when i was 5 mins from getting in a taxi and causing him some pain.. but i focused and decided its not worth it ..

 

[CynicalCyanide]

It sounds terrible. Reading your words makes me think you know what to do. Doesnt makenit easy to do though. I hope to read soon you made the right decision and let him go. It will be better for you and Inhooe it will be a wake up call for him and change but yea... Thats outside of your control

 

[Apathy79]

It's always a tough one. Especially when you come to a place like this and so many people talk about how no-one is there for them anymore, they're being ghosted by everyone including those they've been friends with for years, often due to opening up about their struggles. So I get the other side too. But it definitely gets tiring when the same person complains and wants help all the time. I must admit I have cut most of those people out of my life entirely over the years, and realise when I see those posts on here what that feels like on their end and then feel guilty about it, but don't allow them back in due to the guilt.