Those who have been cheated on, how did you move on?

[sakakap]

It's been a little over a year and at this pace I doubt I'll ever be ready for another relationship (or even friendships for that matter). There's something about how cruel, sudden and casual she acted that makes it feel impossible to trust again. I wasn't doing well before we met; I tried to ctb roughly a month before we became official. It's like she cemented the distrust that was already there.
How are you supposed to trust anyone when it's impossible to tell whether the person you love and care about is actually a cruel psycho? If even she was capable of something like that then who isn't :( </3

 

[Dejected 55]

I've never been in a relationship... so I don't 100% know how I would feel... but I know trust shattered like that can't be repaired. No matter how else I felt about a person, that kind of betrayal would mean I could never trust again and I would have to remove myself from that relationship.

In my specific case... I imagine if I weren't already broken now, something like this would break me... because it would mean a lifetime of being alone only to think I finally found someone and then experience that kind of betrayal? It would break me. I would never be able to trust again and I would feel even more alone and more in need of companionship, but would know I could never trust again.

There's just no excuse for cheating. IF you fall out of love with your partner and can't work it out, you owe it to each other to break up. IF you choose to cheat with someone else, you're doing that purposefully. There's no way to slice that. There is no "it just happened" when you are already supposedly in a committed relationship with one person to "accidentally" cheat with someone else. You *could* find yourself drawn to someone else and maybe even fall in love... and that's when you should be asking yourself to look at your current relationship and decide if you want it or not... and make that decision... break that relationship properly... then you can have a legitimate run at the next person.

 

[meemee]

This is going to be long and quite biased, and I do not know if this will help you.
My first ex broke up with me to immediately date a girl in my friend group. It made me question my self worth back then. I did forget a lot about it, but all I remember is pity. Pity for the girl he replaced me with. If he did that to me, what stops him from doing it to her too? I wanted to be wrong. Years later, I found out that he cheated on her with two other girls, and he almost got one of the side chicks pregnant.
Recently, I had a complicated relationship with my ex that ended drastically. We agreed to keep in contact after breaking up but I made a deal with him: if one of us gets in a romantic relationship, we should let the other know, and cut off contact. He had two chances to tell me that he has a girlfriend already. I asked him if I can still contact him, and he said yes. However, when I was at my lowest, most desperate and most vulnerable state, begging to meet with him because I needed human interaction before breaking down mentally, he dropped the bomb and told me he has a girlfriend. That his girlfriend knows he's still talking to me but he promised her he wouldn't meet up with me, even though he told me he can meet up with me if it was an emergency. His girlfriend also told him I wasn't his problem anymore. He ended up blocking me anyway.
Sorry for the long story.
Was I hurt by how easily I was discarded after giving them my everything? Yes
Did I regret giving them my everything? No.
I did all that I can. I tried everything I could. I have nothing to regret for. I have no what ifs. I may have a lot of "I should've done this and that"s but I did the best that I could with what I was given. And if they decided to discard that easily, that's on them. It's okay to not be ready for another relationship. It's not a measurement of your worth nor does it say anything about you. Personally, I do not want to damage another person knowing I myself am still not well. You're right about the cruel, casual hurt she did to you. No amount of excuses will be enough to justify cheating. When it comes to trusting people, I would not say that you will find someone that you can trust in the future. However, you already met someone who cannot be trusted. You might already know some signs on who to not trust. It might be a long, painful process to find someone you can trust again, but with what you've experienced, you are not going blind this time.

 

[MyShadow]

It's been a little over a year and at this pace I doubt I'll ever be ready for another relationship (or even friendships for that matter). There's something about how cruel, sudden and casual she acted that makes it feel impossible to trust again. I wasn't doing well before we met; I tried to ctb roughly a month before we became official. It's like she cemented the distrust that was already there.
How are you supposed to trust anyone when it's impossible to tell whether the person you love and care about is actually a cruel psycho? If even she was capable of something like that then who isn't :( </3

I learned a lot in my last relationship.

I ignored the red flags, so the lies and the betrayal blindsided me. Had I been paying attention from the very beginning, I could have avoided a lot of the pain and hardship that I allowed her to cause. I really should have seen that coming. Regardless, i's been over a year and I still feel the pain of that betrayal. I don't think I am capable of trusting someone at that level again.

The problem with relationships now is finding people with attributes like loyalty, empathy, kindness or simply finding someone who will be there through tough times is damn near impossible. Dating sites have made ordering a person as easy as ordering a pizza, so replacing someone is easier than putting in the work.

 

[Ashu]

There was really nothing to move on from, because I believe deeply and absolutely in free love, and am thus immune to jealousy. It was her right, as it would be mine.

 

[sakakap]

This is going to be long and quite biased, and I do not know if this will help you.
My first ex broke up with me to immediately date a girl in my friend group. It made me question my self worth back then. I did forget a lot about it, but all I remember is pity. Pity for the girl he replaced me with. If he did that to me, what stops him from doing it to her too? I wanted to be wrong. Years later, I found out that he cheated on her with two other girls, and he almost got one of the side chicks pregnant.
Recently, I had a complicated relationship with my ex that ended drastically. We agreed to keep in contact after breaking up but I made a deal with him: if one of us gets in a romantic relationship, we should let the other know, and cut off contact. He had two chances to tell me that he has a girlfriend already. I asked him if I can still contact him, and he said yes. However, when I was at my lowest, most desperate and most vulnerable state, begging to meet with him because I needed human interaction before breaking down mentally, he dropped the bomb and told me he has a girlfriend. That his girlfriend knows he's still talking to me but he promised her he wouldn't meet up with me, even though he told me he can meet up with me if it was an emergency. His girlfriend also told him I wasn't his problem anymore. He ended up blocking me anyway.
Sorry for the long story.
Was I hurt by how easily I was discarded after giving them my everything? Yes
Did I regret giving them my everything? No.
I did all that I can. I tried everything I could. I have nothing to regret for. I have no what ifs. I may have a lot of "I should've done this and that"s but I did the best that I could with what I was given. And if they decided to discard that easily, that's on them. It's okay to not be ready for another relationship. It's not a measurement of your worth nor dneoes it say anything about you. Personally, I do not want to damage another person knowing I myself am still not well. You're right about the cruel, casual hurt she did to you. No amount of excuses will be enough to justify cheating. When it comes to trusting people, I would not say that you will find someone that you can trust in the future. However, you already met someone who cannot be trusted. You might already know some signs on who to not trust. It might be a long, painful process to find someone you can trust again, but with what you've experienced, you are not going blind this time.

Thank you for sharing. I think an important aspect is that I get way too fixated on one person to the point that it feels like my entire world falls apart if they betray me. Looking back there were a lot of signs that indicated she was quite selfish and emotional however I never imagined she'd be capable of something like this. Maybe time really does heal all wounds but time also ends all lives so we'll see which one ends up winning :p

I'm sure it also doesn't help that I incessantly checked her socials until a month ago but dealing with reality felt too painful even though I knew I had to.

There was really nothing to move on from, because I believe deeply and absolutely in free love, and am thus immune to jealousy. It was her right, as it would be mine.

Jeez I'm actually so jealous

 

[Dejected 55]

There was really nothing to move on from, because I believe deeply and absolutely in free love, and am thus immune to jealousy. It was her right, as it would be mine.

There are some people who can inhabit free love and make it work. I don't understand it, but it does seem like some people make it work.

But, it doesn't make you "immune to jealousy." I don't think I'm an inherently jealous person... but I can never say with absolution that there couldn't be a scenario where I could become jealous. No matter how comfortable you may be in free love... there's just no way you can say for certain that one day you will not be with a partner that you wish would be with you just a little bit more than they are with one of their other partners... and that becomes jealousy even if you still are in favor of free love.

 

[Ashu]

There are some people who can inhabit free love and make it work. I don't understand it, but it does seem like some people make it work.

But, it doesn't make you "immune to jealousy." I don't think I'm an inherently jealous person... but I can never say with absolution that there couldn't be a scenario where I could become jealous. No matter how comfortable you may be in free love... there's just no way you can say for certain that one day you will not be with a partner that you wish would be with you just a little bit more than they are with one of their other partners... and that becomes jealousy even if you still are in favor of free love.

You are exactly right, you have identified an imprecision in my statement that I did not think I would need to clarify. I _have_ suffered jealousy, of course, which as you rightly say may be an inevitable natural emotion. It's just that I don't think that that emotion gives me any right over the woman I love: I may be hurt, but I am not outraged, incredulous, or indignant. There's no _reason_ for anyone to love anyone they don't love. Il cuore non si comanda, "You can't command the heart."

 

[sakakap]

Il cuore non si comanda so don't pretend I have :(

 

[TheLastGreySky]

It's been a little over a year and at this pace I doubt I'll ever be ready for another relationship (or even friendships for that matter). There's something about how cruel, sudden and casual she acted that makes it feel impossible to trust again. I wasn't doing well before we met; I tried to ctb roughly a month before we became official. It's like she cemented the distrust that was already there.
How are you supposed to trust anyone when it's impossible to tell whether the person you love and care about is actually a cruel psycho? If even she was capable of something like that then who isn't :( </3

Hey, so my ex fiancee cheated on me after my ex wife cheated on me WHILE in the same way of doing so while I was incarcerated. It hurt for years, and I even planned to ctb over it. But As I went down that rabbit hole I really have to tell you,
That whoever cheated on you is a cheater. It's not your it's all about opportunity and how they gain a sense of power. So, as much as it hurts to of been cut so deeply by someone you trusted... The best thing you can do is take all the love you have that person and give it to someone else who deserves and appreciate it. I'm now married for the second time and I'm in my 3rd serious relationship since 2020 and I am just now getting over being cheated on because I carried this hurt that didn't benefit me.

The only thing I can say is walk the walk and talk the talk but keep your heart guarded until there's no going back or you feel secure enough to love someone with more than just words.

 

[Lions303]

It says more about them then it does me. I said 'I cant not change the past nor change someone else's actions. Forgive, never forget and never settle for anything less then the best'