Venting This is way too difficult

[rabbithole]

Partial hanging is so difficult. I don't pass out and my SI kicks in with the slightest discomfort. I really really can't keep living. I can't go to work or school because of my disease and I can't even watch tv or play video games because I am so depressed. When I watch tv I feel tortured by my thoughts of "why did this happen to me" when I look at the actors. I was healthy before September last year. I really miss myself. Sorry to rant on here all the time. I have no one to talk to. My bf doesn't want to be with me anymore because of my disease. I'm just heartbroken.

 

[Umbrellaterm]

What's your disease?

 

[rabbithole]

Arachnoiditis and spinal cord injury at L2.

 

[Noriv159]

Is there anything I/we can do to make you feel better? I can relate to your feeling of regret and it all appearing hopeless. Sometimes communication with others can help from disassociation with reality when things get too depressing. Know I'm here for you if you need to talk things through. I know how desperation can be when you need someone to listen. Even as a stranger, I understand.

 

[rabbithole]

Is there anything I/we can do to make you feel better? I can relate to your feeling of regret and it all appearing hopeless. Sometimes communication with others can help from disassociation with reality when things get too depressing. Know I'm here for you if you need to talk things through. I know how desperation can be when you need someone to listen. Even as a stranger, I understand.

Thank you for your kind reply. I do try to dissociate from my reality but it's so tough. There's really no safe spot in my mind where I can escape from all the negativity of my reality. I really appreciate the offer to talk though. That's super sweet of you.

 

[Noriv159]

You don't have to thank me. I know from experience what desperation can do in times of distress. It is always reassuring when we have an option and it often prevents us from making things worse. Your confidence and security is a thank you enough for me.

 

[rabbithole]

You don't have to thank me. I know from experience what desperation can do in times of distress. It is always reassuring when we have an option and it often prevents us from making things worse. Your confidence and security is a thank you enough for me.

You're super kind. I know you said not to thank you but you being so sweet warrants thanks! It's a rarity and therefore precious.

Unfortunately I feel out of options - I've "crunched the numbers" so to speak on my situation and there's no good outcome. The only option is to salvage what quality of life I have and endure the suffering, or end it rationally. I truly believe it would be a rational suicide given my circumstances. Although many others have endured far worse and lived until their natural deaths.

Anyway, how are you doing today?