Venting Thinking about doing it now

[SanguineShark]

I'd do everything to die right now
I have SN but I didn't fast and I drank alcohol & smoked weed
I just don't want to participate in living anymore
I'm suffering
And nothing can fix me anymore, I tried professional psych help but it's just no use
I'd do everything to die in this very moment
Is plastic bag a hard method?

 

[Placo]

I'd do everything to die right now
I have SN but I didn't fast and I drank alcohol & smoked weed
I just don't want to participate in living anymore
I'm suffering
And nothing can fix me anymore, I tried professional psych help but it's just no use
I'd do everything to die in this very moment
Is plastic bag a hard method?

Let's say that with the plastic bag you might have the instinct to remove it, to avoid this I bought some handcuffs for when the time comes.

 

[RejectedKarma]

I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this...
Rushed CTB doesn't seem to work that well unless it's violent...
There's no easy method, really
Since you said you have the SN you could maybe take some time to properly plan things around it.

 

[Helween]

I'd do everything to die right now

something happened?

 

[SanguineShark]

something happened?

Just me existing
Reached rock bottom again I guess
With additional taking action to be abused/sexually taken advantage of, I see red flags but not only did I deserve all the abuse I suffered throughout my whole life, I'm pathetic enough that it actually gives me comfort as now my brain associates abuse with love

I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this...
Rushed CTB doesn't seem to work that well unless it's violent...
There's no easy method, really
Since you said you have the SN you could maybe take some time to properly plan things around it.

I know
My usual thing I do is dissociate to forget how shit my life is
But I've been severely suicidal for almost 8 years
I got the SN to use it, but I keep getting distracted with shitty hope, worst part of life honestly, there's no true happiness that will ever appear in my life
I've been abused for 23 years, which is my whole life, and I deserved it but the point is that this is not possible to heal
And it's easiest to kill yourself when the impulse and mental breakdown overtakes

Let's say that with the plastic bag you might have the instinct to remove it, to avoid this I bought some handcuffs for when the time comes.

I have duct tape idk

 

[Helween]

i can't say i recommend rushed CTB even if i totally get your point of it being easier when at the bottom of the pit and i can't let you say that you deserved it.. No? No one derserve it, you're broken inside it's awful, but don't let you or anyone give you the idea that it's your fault.

 

[SanguineShark]

i can't say i recommend rushed CTB even if i totally get your point of it being easier when at the bottom of the pit and i can't let you say that you deserved it.. No? No one derserve it, you're broken inside it's awful, but don't let you or anyone give you the idea that it's your fault.

Thank you

 

[Regen]

i can't say i recommend rushed CTB even if i totally get your point of it being easier when at the bottom of the pit and i can't let you say that you deserved it.. No? No one derserve it, you're broken inside it's awful, but don't let you or anyone give you the idea that it's your fault.

Wow, so true...

 

[Davey40210]

Just try abstaining from everything for a while.. stop drinking alcohol, smoking. Give yourself two months. Then reassess.

I was in a dark period some time back and this got me back on track (plus a supportive gf).

Now without the gf I'm still not drinking or smoking at least. But determined to CTB as its the last time I f'd up a perfect relationship. At least it means you are making a clearheaded decision.

What I learned after teetotaling, is that alcohol actually causes depression. I was usually super depressed the day after drinking. Its really a thing and prob one of the reasons alcoholism is so addictive. You need a couple weeks to get it out of your system. Also dont drink coffee. But no alcohol is more important.

Just tell yourself that if you are still depressed after two months of abstaining, you will reward yourself by CTB-ing. That takes the pressure off a bit because you know you can make that decision after two months.

 

[pain6batch9]

Not your fault. Never was. It was them, their fault.