Venting Things I like about being alive

[dietcokecan]

I honestly think my life will never improve and that my suffering is just going to get worse if I keep living. Suicide is the only future I really have and I've known that for around two years now. But there's so many little things about being alive that I'd miss so much (though not really since I'd be gone) if I ctb. Like eating my favorite meal after a long day. Playing with my cat and knowing that he loves and needs me. Going out in nature and feeling the sun and wind on my skin. Visiting the beach and splashing around in the water with my sister. Small comforts that make me forget that everything else in my life has gone to shit. Growing up I was so excited about everything the world had to offer, and experiencing life for the first time was wonderful. I was such a happy child and I never thought my life would turn out this way. It's such a shame, I really would've loved being alive had I been anybody else.

 

[hematomatema]

Really happy there's at least someone else out there that feels this way. This forum gets very depressing sometimes with all the people that think that life shouldn't begin regardless of whether or not you'll be happy or have a miserable life, or that universal consciousness should end because their life is miserable, etc.. I enjoy, or enjoyed, life like you do. It's all the little things like seeing your friends or family or going outside and all that that have kept me from CTBing (other than money lol) and I really fucking wish there was a way to rewire my brain into one that functions normally and can enjoy life to the same degree as everyone else because I don't want to have to die but I have to. I would give the world just to be born with a different brain, or just one that functions correctly, but have the same life I have today.

 

[Hotsackage]

I care about the cosmos, and life on the planet, so I can relate

 

[Joansoon]

I loved everything about life till now I don't find motivation in anything, even eating great food feels like a chore. If you still have joy, hold on to those things and see if you can focus there.

 

[CantDoIt]

Feel the same exact way! If I could go back to being a kid, make different choices, and rid myself of my mental illnesses I would definitely do it. That's why I hope reincarnation is real, I want to have the experience again but actually good this time. But there's nothing in this world that will ever fix my life and the thought of continuing is miserable for me.

 

[lacrimosa]

The little things are important - Coffee, delicious food, time spent with kitty cats and pets, witnessing milestones in people's lives that you are close to, being out in nature if you're not agoraphobic, sleeping in on the weekends, listening to music, reading books, chatting and interacting with people on these forums...

I will miss those things.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Music is all I would miss. A lot of things are nice, but music is the only thing that has kept me here and if I could eat music and have it injected in me I would.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I honestly think my life will never improve and that my suffering is just going to get worse if I keep living. Suicide is the only future I really have and I've known that for around two years now. But there's so many little things about being alive that I'd miss so much (though not really since I'd be gone) if I ctb. Like eating my favorite meal after a long day. Playing with my cat and knowing that he loves and needs me. Going out in nature and feeling the sun and wind on my skin. Visiting the beach and splashing around in the water with my sister. Small comforts that make me forget that everything else in my life has gone to shit. Growing up I was so excited about everything the world had to offer, and experiencing life for the first time was wonderful. I was such a happy child and I never thought my life would turn out this way. It's such a shame, I really would've loved being alive had I been anybody else.

It really brings you back to earth, so to speak, after the rose-colored glasses get broken and lost, doesn't it?

 

[dietcokecan]

Really happy there's at least someone else out there that feels this way. This forum gets very depressing sometimes with all the people that think that life shouldn't begin regardless of whether or not you'll be happy or have a miserable life, or that universal consciousness should end because their life is miserable, etc.. I enjoy, or enjoyed, life like you do. It's all the little things like seeing your friends or family or going outside and all that that have kept me from CTBing (other than money lol) and I really fucking wish there was a way to rewire my brain into one that functions normally and can enjoy life to the same degree as everyone else because I don't want to have to die but I have to. I would give the world just to be born with a different brain, or just one that functions correctly, but have the same life I have today.

It honestly feels like I wrote this. I desperately wish there was a way for me to not have to die, but I can't live with a brain as broken as mine. And it's getting harder for the little things to make up for how difficult my existence has become. I'm always thinking about how happy my life could've been if I'd been born different.

I care about the cosmos, and life on the planet, so I can relate

Everything about the universe and the existence of life is so amazing to me. The thought of leaving it all behind forever is extremely sad.