They would want you to live

[Finding Sirius]

For those of you who have lost people you cared about. Whether you believe in an afterlife or not, how do you feel when people say things like "they would want you to live", or similar phrases to keep you from ctb? I personally find it annoying, how exactly would they know? Why is it assumed that the dead would want us keep going? Why should we be concerned with what those no longer suffering think? What are your thoughts?

 

[U. A.]

I feel it's just another tool in the box of platitudes that most people who don't have the life experience needed to have constructive conversation about this kind of topic reach for by instinct. I haven't had people say this to me so I don't really have much to offer experientially, but wouldn't it depend totally on the departed person in question? My best friend died of suicide six years ago. I'm pretty sure the person he was right before that happened wouldn't have expected anyone to live beyond their means, given he clearly wasn't able to. Maybe who he was before what cause his descent would've answered differently. Or if there was some kind of afterlife version, it might be yet another answer.

Anyway, as I said, basically no one indulges me when I try to talk about these things, but if/when they give me crappy reactions, my general MO is to go Socratic on them - ie. lead them to realise and say what they just said or think is dumb and/or wrong. I find it far more effective and satisfying than counter-arguing, generally.

 

[looseye]

I just find those phrases disrespectful towards the dead. Of course you can assume their would-be opinions if you knew them well, and you might be right, but nobody has given you the right to speak in their name. It's one of those little things that don't really matter but I still find necessary to respect

[Edit: "you" refers to those people that say things like "they would want you to live", my phrasing is kinda misleading]

 

[chloramine]

It feels like they're weaponizing the dead which. No. Nobody has ever said this to me luckily. Also why would someone who is dead care? Regardless of your beliefs I don't see how that would cause anyone who is dead pain.

 

[makethepainstop]

If people you loved are dead and you die, then you shouldn't want to die so that you can be with them?