Venting There's Nothing Left

[Graham.N]

Everyday seems to get harder and harder. Today I went into the office today get some work done. I couldn't stay focused. I got part of the work done but I finished a lot later than I would of hoped. I layed on the floor for half an hour. I was the only one there so no one knew what I was doing. I also spent the whole day with the lights off in the dark. I have no friends and no one to really talk to. I live with my parents but am becoming increasingly more distant with them. I go home have dinner, take the dog for a walk and then spend the rest of the night alone in my room. I hate it, and day by day I trust people less and less and I would just like to pull the plug on life. Almost everything causes me to be in pain. What do I do? I wish I could go back in time. There is so much I would change

 

[The Actual Devil]

This reads like an echo from my own past. Like that of many, many people around your age. The loneliness epidemic. I'm sure it's a cold comfort to hear that you are going through an experience shared by countless others. But that at least means there are so many waiting for you to enter their lives, if you are able to try.

What do I do?

You marked the post as venting, so I'll respect that and assume you asked this question rhetorically. But if it is a sincere call for help, the other side of this forum would be a better place to ask for it.
The future is not ours to see, so I'll spare you the lie of "it will get better." But Graham, in terms of physical possibility, it quite literally can get better. It just takes a combination of choice and chance.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Like the above member commented, I'm not too sure if you are genuinely asking for advice here, or wanting to vent. If you don't want advice, then, ignore this bit...

You yourself can seem to recognise that your current behaviour is making you feel worse- eg. sitting in a darkened room, isolating yourself. The answer is obvious but the action will be difficult I imagine... Don't do those things! Maybe, after dinner and the dog walk, ask if you can spend some time with your parents.

One of my childhood friends once pointed out to me that our social lives take as much work as our career lives. Friendships take effort and risk to both create and sustain. You could maybe look into joining clubs, doing sports, doing a short course to meet more people with similar interests.

It may all sound horrific but sometimes, often actually, I think we have to make ourselves do uncomfortable things in lIfe for the greater good. If you end up getting nothing but more misery out of trying those things then- at least you can give up knowing you've at least tried to change your situation.

If it's social anxiety or, distrust of others you suffer with, I can definitely relate to that. In truth, I eventually rejected even trying to be sociable but then- it isn't that part of my life that troubles me. This obviously is having a big impact on you.

You could of course find that people aren't reliable and, the whole thing wasn't worth the effort/ discomfort. You won't know until you try though. I suppose, I also think- if a thing still feels worthwhile, it's worth trying multiple times to get it. That's not meaning to make it sound easy though. I know ot won't be.

It's interesting you say you wish you could go back in time to change things. What would you do differently? What makes it impossible to achieve those things now?

Obviously, you know your situation better than I do. You can likely make a better decision on whether it truly is a lost cause. I'm not meaning to belittle your problems here. I suppose all of us have to make an analysis on: How big and bad our problems are. What we could do to address them. If we have the motivation and energy to do that.