Story "There is no foster care system" 😒

[sylvey]

I should have been put in foster care from the beginning. It was a very tangible choice the court could have made and would have made if my dad didn't step in. My dad didn't deserve a child. He's narcissistic and abusive, and he makes no effort to hide that fact. I might have touched upon some examples in some of my earlier posts. So with the context of those ones, I'll continue.
One day, I think around the time I was 15 or 16 I had had enough. I told my dad I wanted to be put into foster care. At first, he seemed genuine, asking me if that's what I really wanted. I said yes. He said he'd look into it. He did not. Fast forward a few months later I ask about it again, and he just lies and says that there is no foster care system in our state. I've never heard such bullshit in my life. I knew it was a lie too because one of my friends at the time had just recently been taken in by a foster family, AND the principal at our school had recently taken in a foster child. So yeah. Great job, "dad".

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I can relate to this. My mum is an abusive narcissist. It is absolutely soul destroying, but they don't care about you. Every little thing is fake about them. Don't fool for it, they will thrive on it.

I'm so sorry you've been through this, I really hope you're able to build yourself back up away from that toxic environment.

Unfortunately, because of the way my mother treated me as a child, and adult (no contact for a short while now and trying to keep it that way), I have had plenty of experience with this type of individual in childhood and adulthood. I'm working on keeping away though, and I hope you can do the same, because all they do is bring you down and they love it - they get a massive kick out of it when you're down, and absolutely hate it if you're happy. Remember the world has to revolve around them, including your own life.

Narcissists don't care about others, they only care about their own needs, and they need someone to feed off of, so that's unfortunately, why your dad did this. To fulfill his selfishness and essentially, to abuse someone.

Narcissists are abusive by nature, and have to be this way to survive. They 100% know what they're doing, don't be fooled into thinking otherwise with their shitty tactics. They are highly manipulative and controlling individuals - this behaviour usually starts in childhood, so by the time they're adults, they've had plenty of time to practise. They don't change. Ever.

You cannot show them the error of their ways either - they think you are the problem, not them, and they will never see differently, even if you had documented proof, they would still deny everything, and make out like you have some vendetta against them or some weird shit they'd make up to make you look like the baddie.

 

[huzzahhue56]

I should have been put in foster care from the beginning. It was a very tangible choice the court could have made and would have made if my dad didn't step in. My dad didn't deserve a child. He's narcissistic and abusive, and he makes no effort to hide that fact. I might have touched upon some examples in some of my earlier posts. So with the context of those ones, I'll continue.
One day, I think around the time I was 15 or 16 I had had enough. I told my dad I wanted to be put into foster care. At first, he seemed genuine, asking me if that's what I really wanted. I said yes. He said he'd look into it. He did not. Fast forward a few months later I ask about it again, and he just lies and says that there is no foster care system in our state. I've never heard such bullshit in my life. I knew it was a lie too because one of my friends at the time had just recently been taken in by a foster family, AND the principal at our school had recently taken in a foster child. So yeah. Great job, "dad".

Yea same. People say foster care is traumatising and shit but genuinely I would rather go and get murdered than stay and be alive today, I remember the cops and shit told me that foster care is "worse" when I was already in living hell and going to the psych ward because they abused me so bad, idgaf

Basically got lied to about how bad it would be and authorities failed me #acab

 

[sylvey]

Yea same. People say foster care is traumatising and shit but genuinely I would rather go and get murdered than stay and be alive today, I remember the cops and shit told me that foster care is "worse" when I was already in living hell and going to the psych ward because they abused me so bad, idgaf

Basically got lied to about how bad it would be and authorities failed me #acab

This is why I hate people.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

What did you expect exactly? Most parents aren't going to just put their kids in foster by choice. Along with that, being a foster child would likely not do much to help you if your goal was to escape abuse. The foster care system has a reputation for causing a lot of children severe trauma. You might have gone through even worse abuse if you were put in it. Victoria Spry started off as the foster child of Eunice Spry before the woman would adopt her and she was put through horrific abuse throughout the entire time she was in her care. Her siblings, who were also foster children, also went through horrific abuse. This includes stuff from starvation (to the point where they were forced to drink their own piss to quench their thirst) to having a large wooden stick shoved down their throats. If I remember correctly, I'm pretty sure that youths in foster care also have an increased chance of being targeted by human traffickers.

Point is, it's weird to be shocked about the fact that your father wouldn't actually go through on putting you in foster care. Most parents would never want to put their kids in foster care.

 

[sylvey]

What did you expect exactly? Most parents aren't going to just put their kids in foster by choice. Along with that, being a foster child would likely not do much to help you if your goal was to escape abuse. The foster care system has a reputation for causing a lot of children severe trauma. You might have gone through even worse abuse if you were put in it. Victoria Spry started off as the foster child of Eunice Spry before the woman would adopt her and she was put through horrific abuse throughout the entire time she was in her care. Her siblings, who were also foster children, also went through horrific abuse. This includes stuff from starvation (to the point where they were forced to drink their own piss to quench their thirst) to having a large wooden stick shoved down their throats. If I remember correctly, I'm pretty sure that youths in foster care also have an increased chance of being targeted by human traffickers.

Point is, it's weird to be shocked about the fact that your father wouldn't actually go through on putting you in foster care. Most parents would never want to put their kids in foster care.

I don't get why you thought you just did something there. He's narcissistic and abusive and has pushed me to the point of suicide time after time. I'd rather be dead than be with him, and he hates me just as much. Not to mention the financial abuse and him constantly isolating me from all my friends. Even after I turned 18 he continued ruining my job interviews, and when I say ruining I mean pulling up and shit talking me. You do not even understand how good foster care would be in comparison, especially if you can talk the way you just did. I hate my father with a burning passion and I would spit on his grave without a moment's hesitation.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I don't get why you thought you just did something there. He's narcissistic and abusive and has pushed me to the point of suicide time after time. I'd rather be dead than me with him, and he hates me just as much.

Yeah, you likely wouldn't die in the foster care system. The point is that foster care isn't going magically make things better. You will likely end up being abused by someone else. Along with that, again, did you really think that he would just let go into the foster care system?

 

[sylvey]

Yeah, you likely wouldn't die in the foster care system. The point is that foster care isn't going magically make things better. You will likely end up being abused by someone else. Along with that, again, did you really think that he would just let go into the foster care system?

The only reason he didn't put me into foster care is because I'm the only person left who can tolerate his shit. And FYI I'm still stuck with him bcs he STILL ruins my job interviews. If you thought even for a second that he refused because he "loved" me, you're mistaken. He has a fragile ego and the emotional fucking incest goes so deep that he can't bring himself to throw away the one piece of trash he's had trapped in his pocket ever since he got my crack addict of a mother knocked up.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

The only reason he didn't put me into foster care is because I'm the only person left who can tolerate his shit. And FYI I'm still stuck with him bcs he STILL ruins my job interviews. If you thought even for a second that he refused because he "loved" me, you're mistaken. He has a fragile ego and the emotional fucking incest goes so deep that he can't bring himself to throw away the one piece of trash he's had trapped in his pocket ever since he got my crack addict of a mother knocked up.

I mean, even most parents who don't like their children or who never wanted kids usually don't like the idea of putting them in foster care, so I don't know what you expected.

 

[Worndown]

There are too many parents that step in and get custody of children they will damage.
The courts are complicit in this. Not becsuse they do not care, but because crappy parents run to the media and complain about how their little darling is being taken away from their loving home. Easy coverage that gets viewers. The court and child services staff lean toward placement with a parent or family over foster care to avoid being demonized and hassled.
Only when a child dies is this questioned. Most do not die, unseen problem and life goes on.

That your father made his no foster care comment defines him as a person. Everywhere has foster care of some form.
I am sorry you still need to endure his selfishness.