The trajectory of my life
My 20s were normal to some extent, but the seeds of my problems were planted. I went to college, started working for an insurance company, got married, bought a house. Had my first child. All during this time I was drinking more and more heavily. The man I married had an anger management problem and serious health challenges. I have lifelong had low self-esteem and felt unattractive, these problems led me to this spouse. Pproblems were simmering in the background
My thirties the wheels started to come off the bus. I became deeply depressed. My drinking descended into alcoholism. My husband became rageful and verbally abusive on a daily basis. We made a bad real estate deal. Fortunately we kept our jobs. How our poor children made it in that environment..:.well they were hurt. By my late thirties though I had become sober and things were improving.
In my forties my husbands health deteriorated and he had several periods of disability and major surgeries. He became more rageful and abusive. I relapsed, although my drinking was sporadic. Our son display, but our daughter started to show signs of problems including an eating disorder. By the end of the decade I was ready to give up. Fortunately the job stayed steady
And then my 50s. They were brilliant. I met another sober alcoholic, had an affair, and left my husband. I married the new man, did well in my job, and we bought a 100 year old house in a nice neighborhood. We travelled. I thought it was magic. My daughter however became a burden as she struggled with increasing mental health and obesity.
I'm now in my early 60s and the wheels finally came off the bus. I retired from that job, thinking I had plenty of money after my mom died. I was wrong. The house now has enormous repairs it needs, and we can't afford them. We will have to bleed out the money we had saved, and then I don't know what could happen next. My daughter is very unstable and I worry she will end up on the streets. I just want to stay away from my son so he will have less pain when I go. I can't face what's ahead, so I hope to CTB early next year. My husband will be left to solve this problem, but u just can't face what's ahead.
I thought I had fought my way out of alcoholism and a bad marriage. But I just had a little window of happiness before returning to the darkness. Wish me luck on making this exit. Im planning hanging although I am worried. I wish I could get SN and I could quietly check out at a hotel room. I've considered a gun, but I don't relish buying and learning to use one, or the trauma to others.
I'm actually kind of ready to go. I'm not too sad to give up this vale of tears. But I'm so sorry for the pain I will cause others especially my husband. I just hope he will get through the housing situation and go back to the simple quiet life he had when he met me...which he will never have living with me in my deep depressed and anxious state.
if you have words of wisdom or support I would love to hear them.
My 20s were normal to some extent, but the seeds of my problems were planted. I went to college, started working for an insurance company, got married, bought a house. Had my first child. All during this time I was drinking more and more heavily. The man I married had an anger management problem and serious health challenges. I have lifelong had low self-esteem and felt unattractive, these problems led me to this spouse. Pproblems were simmering in the background
My thirties the wheels started to come off the bus. I became deeply depressed. My drinking descended into alcoholism. My husband became rageful and verbally abusive on a daily basis. We made a bad real estate deal. Fortunately we kept our jobs. How our poor children made it in that environment..:.well they were hurt. By my late thirties though I had become sober and things were improving.
In my forties my husbands health deteriorated and he had several periods of disability and major surgeries. He became more rageful and abusive. I relapsed, although my drinking was sporadic. Our son display, but our daughter started to show signs of problems including an eating disorder. By the end of the decade I was ready to give up. Fortunately the job stayed steady
And then my 50s. They were brilliant. I met another sober alcoholic, had an affair, and left my husband. I married the new man, did well in my job, and we bought a 100 year old house in a nice neighborhood. We travelled. I thought it was magic. My daughter however became a burden as she struggled with increasing mental health and obesity.
I'm now in my early 60s and the wheels finally came off the bus. I retired from that job, thinking I had plenty of money after my mom died. I was wrong. The house now has enormous repairs it needs, and we can't afford them. We will have to bleed out the money we had saved, and then I don't know what could happen next. My daughter is very unstable and I worry she will end up on the streets. I just want to stay away from my son so he will have less pain when I go. I can't face what's ahead, so I hope to CTB early next year. My husband will be left to solve this problem, but u just can't face what's ahead.
I thought I had fought my way out of alcoholism and a bad marriage. But I just had a little window of happiness before returning to the darkness. Wish me luck on making this exit. Im planning hanging although I am worried. I wish I could get SN and I could quietly check out at a hotel room. I've considered a gun, but I don't relish buying and learning to use one, or the trauma to others.
I'm actually kind of ready to go. I'm not too sad to give up this vale of tears. But I'm so sorry for the pain I will cause others especially my husband. I just hope he will get through the housing situation and go back to the simple quiet life he had when he met me...which he will never have living with me in my deep depressed and anxious state.
if you have words of wisdom or support I would love to hear them.
