The main reason I can’t have a bf is because I’m emotionally unavailable

[Water-Lily]

I'm the reason why I've never been able to find someone i want to be with

It's not the guys that's the problem. It's me

Even in cases where guys have showed active interest, I'd reject them at some point

I struggle to be vulnerable

Maybe I'm just not meant to be with…anyone…

 

[Pluto]

This has always been a problem for me, too. It seems to begin in early childhood when we figure out that we can't trust our parents, so we withdraw and function independently to the best of our ability. Then, many years later, this 'island mode' becomes counterproductive for the purposes of adult relationships.

It's understandable feeling disheartened right now, but I am confident that you will overcome this. You do a great job of being vulnerable here, you've been actively building your social life and you have no trouble attracting people. It just takes practice gradually letting yourself trust again.

The only other thing to mention is please watch out for narcissistic men. They will display endless charm and earn your trust, only to put you through a repeat of the worst abuse of childhood. They will exploit the situation and cause a new level of harm. Be aware of the warning signs and stay ever vigilant, as people like us are prime targets. After all, it's all we've really known, and the brain is wired to want familiarity.