Story The love of my live married someone else

[istherehope]

I left the man I loved because he probably has borderline personality disorder and I couldn't cope with the fights and turmoil. I hoped he would able to change for us to reconnect in a healthier and stronger way.
I've never found someone I loved as much, I had several relationships but I realised I loved him more than anything.
When I came back, I learned that he has married someone else. He still says he has never experienced a love like this and never will. He told me he married someone for stability but they don't share a lot of things together. They don't have a sexuality either.
He would like to see me again but I'm heartbroken and I don't know what to do.

 

[bankai]

My honest perspective is this. It seems like he's trying to rekindle something with you. This is definitely going to lead to an affair. The fact that he expressed a lack of sex with his significant other is alluding to this as well.

You're going to have to decide if you want to enter into an affair with a married man, I suppose. I won't act as moral police. You can decide for yourself, but please understand. There's not really any future anymore with this person most likely.

But I'm sorry for your unrequited love though

 

[enjoytheride]

What bankai says sounds reasonable. If you and him believe that a relationship between you can work this time, without the turmoil, perhaps it would only be wise to engage with him again if he divorces. But then - if things don't go as well as planned afterwards, you will probably be blamed in whole or partially for him losing his (stable) marriage. I don't know. I hope all goes well for you!

 

[istherehope]

I think you're right @bankai, he definitely wants an affair and apparently his wife is okay with that. But I don't want that. I don't know if I should stop talking to him, stopping it gave me pretty bad suicidal ideation. But I don't know if he would leave his marriage if we spent time together either. So I'm lost and deeply hurt.

Edit: he begged me for us to get back together before I learned about him getting married but I didn't want to because he hasn't changed. He told me he would never have gotten married if I had say I would.
I deeply miss him and it seems unbearable to stay.

 

[enjoytheride]

I've never found someone I loved as much

P.S.: perhaps underpinning this belief is a sort of a past-future bias. This has been the person with whom you've had the best relationship so far. But unwittingly you may be inferring that you can't possibly meet anyone else who might make you feel the same way or even better. This would be a logical fallacy, because it could be true, but not necessarily - like in the case of the white swan paradox. You have only seen white swans, but you cannot conclude that black swans do not exist out there.

 

[istherehope]

P.S.: perhaps underpinning this belief is a sort of a past-future bias. This has been the person with whom you've had the best relationship so far. But unwittingly you may be inferring that you can't possibly meet anyone else who might make you feel the same way or even better. This would be a logical fallacy, because it could be true, but not necessarily - like in the case of the white swan paradox. You have only seen white swans, but you cannot conclude that black swans do not exist out there.

That's what I try to tell myself rationally. But I tried for years, went into several relationships but still miss this connection. It was unique and now it's lost.

 

[bankai]

I think you're right @bankai, he definitely wants an affair and apparently his wife is okay with that. But I don't want that. I don't know if I should stop talking to him, stopping it gave me pretty bad suicidal ideation. But I don't know if he would leave his marriage if we spent time together either. So I'm lost and deeply hurt.

Edit: he begged me for us to get back together before I learned about him getting married but I didn't want to because he hasn't changed. He told me he would never have gotten married if I had say I would.
I deeply miss him and it seems unbearable to stay.

I saw your edit. I'm sorry. He's probably suffering too, but he chose to not make you a part of his life.
He chose to make a conscious decision to marry someone else for stability
I'm not going to just assume he's some heartless Individual that's trying to take advantage of you.

But I definitely feel that this is going to hurt you in the long run. Please take care. Hugs and blessings.

Please try to find someone else who can take care of you better?If that's not possible, it's better to be alone

I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear.But I'm sorry, in general, you deserve better.

 

[istherehope]

I saw your edit. I'm sorry. He's probably suffering too, but he chose to not make you a part of his life.
He chose to make a conscious decision to marry someone else for stability
I'm not going to just assume he's some heartless Individual that's trying to take advantage of you.

But I definitely feel that this is going to hurt you in the long run. Please take care. Hugs and blessings.

Please try to find someone else who can take care of you better?If that's not possible, it's better to be alone

I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear.But I'm sorry, in general, you deserve better.

Thank you, that's very kind ! I know I deserve someone that treats me right. Unfortunately I think I will probably end up escaping this world if I can't be with him in this lifetime. He was the only person to truly understand me. I feel so lost in this world now.