toseeyousmile
Member
- Nov 23, 2020
- 80
So I've been thinking of how I'm behind most people my age in most ways, and realistically, with how my life has progressed, this isn't the worst case scenario and practically there still is a solution. Yet everytime I try and stick my nose to the grindstone I just get overwhelmed and give up because of how pointless it is for me to try and catch up, when in reality, although it does look like I'm trying to catch up, I'm also just trying to live my life. This obsession with being normal, I think what it bouls down to for me is that it's not so much that it hurts to know that I suck but moreso the feeling of being alienated by the fact. The fact that I'll never live a normal life because of my mental, that life in my eyes is over, that there are plenty of solutions if I grit my teeth and would actually improve my life isn't enough for me. The reality that I would just need to live my own life that doesn't looks normal and is of the straight and narrow nor is it part of the beaten path of other not so straight-edge normies(I don't like using that word and this wasn't meant to be derogatory, I just couldn't find a better word) makes me feel helpless and most of all alienated. Being alienated and just looking at the lives of others around my age and how they're living their youth fulfillingly one way or another, be it fooling around or academics makes me feel helpless and alienated on top of feeling lesser. I see the appeal of being a normie is now.
