Taxi journey to beachy head

[DreamsofDeath]

Do I go? I could ctb tonight but not sure I have the courage

 

[DreamsofDeath]

I'm with two of my closest friends but I'm intoxicated and think I could just go and jump
and be at peace

 

[JustAboutDone]

The only thing about jumping in the dark is that you might hit a ledge. There are a couple of really specific spots to jump from to be sure of the maximum height. Also, just to let you know, the Christians now have night vision goggles.

 

[DreamsofDeath]

I'm still in the pub in London at the moment thinking about it. But if I just get a taxi from here, they won't have any idea and if I just run and jump...

 

[DreamsofDeath]

Plus I'm pretty sure if you just jump from by the lighthouse between beachy head lighthouse and the one on land it's sheer and it's 100%

 

[JustAboutDone]

You must be rich as Croesus to taxi from London to Beachy Head :-)

 

[JustAboutDone]

Plus I'm pretty sure if you just jump from by the lighthouse between beachy head lighthouse and the one on land it's sheer and it's 100%

Just watch out for the four wheel drive and the crucifix

they've stopped wearing high viz clothes too, which is a bit irritating as they could be any old Tom, Dick or Harry out for a walk

 

[DreamsofDeath]

My mother is wealthy. The pain I've brought my mother and continue to is why I need to ctb.

 

[JustAboutDone]

My mother is wealthy. The pain I've brought my mother and continue to is why I need to ctb.

It doesn't *quite* work like that when you're a mother tbh. Does she think you are causing her pain?

 

[quantumdynamics]

My friend, aren't there better ways?

 

[Its almost time]

Taxi driver might get a bit suspicious, 2 hours is a long journey at this time of night

 

[JustAboutDone]

Taxi driver might get a bit suspicious, 2 hours is a long journey at this time of night

This is a good point - taxi drivers going to B H actually have a special code to summon the police if they think a passenger is a potential jumper. You may get there to be greeted by Christians AND the police

 

[DreamsofDeath]

I don't think a taxi driver from London would think of it

 

[DreamsofDeath]

I can order it from my area in London to Eastbourne then make my own way from there. To be honest though I'm losing my courage :(

 

[DreamsofDeath]

It doesn't *quite* work like that when you're a mother tbh. Does she think you are causing her pain?

I cause nothing but pain

 

[Greenboop]

Its up to you of course but I'd recommend just getting the train, bus and walk (if possible) another time when you've time to put together a sober plan. Whatever you decide, hope you have minimal suffering.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I can order it from my area in London to Eastbourne then make my own way from there. To be honest though I'm losing my courage :(

That's because it's not a particularly pleasant prospect - stumbling about the Seven Sisters Country Park in the dark and cold watching out for the Christians to pop out of the darkness and offer you tea and a Bourbon biscuit

 

[JustAboutDone]

I cause nothing but pain

If that's the case, and you really believe that then that's a good thing to recognise and acknowledge and start to make some worthwhile changes. Everyone has enormous capacity for change. You can ctb any time you like but you can't uncatch it. You can change your behaviour anytime you want and make things right. You're in control. Right now you're out drinking with your friends, grab some food and try and enjoy the evening :-)

 

[DreamsofDeath]

That's because it's not a particularly pleasant prospect - stumbling about the Seven Sisters Country Park in the dark and cold watching out for the Christians to pop out of the darkness and offer you tea and a Bourbon biscuit

Yeah thanks for that mocking message at my lowest ebb - means a lot

 

[JustAboutDone]

Yeah thanks for that mocking message at my lowest ebb - means a lot

Oh believe me I am not mocking you in the slightest, I am mocking the Christians. Although I really shouldn't as they as are only doing what they think is right - and most of them are volunteers

 

[JustAboutDone]

And having been up there myself on a dark and very cold night it's a very lonely experience so don't think for one second I don't know what it's like to either physically be there or be at the point where you actually want to be there

 

[Mark Edward]

A London Black taxi will be stopped anywhere around BH for certain.
The driver will suspect what your intent is and even if pro-choice (unlikely), he will not want to risk his badge.
The walk from Eastbourne Stn is a tough one. Uphill, and you will feel good at the end of it,maybe too good to attempt a jump.

 

[DreamsofDeath]

I've bottled it anyway and stayed in London. Soon.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I've bottled it anyway and stayed in London. Soon.

Don't be so hard on yourself - you haven't "bottled" it. When the timing is good you'll know and if easier at dawn or dusk to see where you are going. In the meantime I hope things might change for you x

 

[DreamsofDeath]

I completely bottled it and am going home. Hate myself so much.

 

[DreamsofDeath]

Don't be so hard on yourself - you haven't "bottled" it. When the timing is good you'll know and if easier at dawn or dusk to see where you are going. In the meantime I hope things might change for you x

Thank you x

 

[JustAboutDone]

Thank you x

You're welcome. I really hope things can turn a corner. You have friends that care for you - that shows you must be at least a partway decent person so I hope things can get better

 

[DreamsofDeath]

I have friends but what tonight shows is that I had a taxi booked to Eastbourne and I bottled it. I have no courage and I did not ctb

 

[DreamsofDeath]

I'm ashamed and I hate myself and I hate that I am still alive

 

[JustAboutDone]

Please don't be so tough on yourself. It is very difficult to think clearly to ctb if you have had a drink, it's not that you are lacking courage. Ctb needs a clear mind and all loose ends tied up as much as possible.