talk to me 2

[zombiegirl]

tried to bump my old thread about this but it didn't work for some reason. anyways talk to me! you can vent, ask for advice, or just post about your day idc i'll try my best to respond ^_^

 

[pretty_city.lights]

I'm not great at replying consistently but you're welcome to dm me. I'd also be happy to talk in this thread if you prefer :)

 

[yeaimhere13]

ive had a terrible fucking week. its been a year since my last panic attack/episode or whatever u wanna call it but two days ago i had one. now im back taking fucking antipsychotics which are absolutely horrible for u and dont rlly help long-term. im seeing a psych on wednesday that specializes in OCD (my diagnosis) but im starting to freak out a bit bcus im thinking i have something else besides just that. maybe bipolar II or even schizophrenia. i dont necessarily fit the diagnostic criteria but my thoughts are so terrifying and dread-enducing that im sure i have some other shit. ive been feeling so much anxiety and existential dread, as i mentioned, and have to take benzos to sleep. it all just feels hopeless like im going to be stuck like this forever. it feels like ive fried my brain so badly in the last few years with horrible memories/trauma that ill never ever be the same person i was before all this started. im only 21 (just had my birthday) i feel like i should be able to live a long, happy life but its been absolute shit since 18. im so scared man i just want it all to stop i want it all to go away im so sad, depressed, ANXIOUS, angry, dissociated everything dude im feeling EVERYTHING. i literally prayed to god for him to make the thoughts stop and im not even religious lolz. anyways thats how ive been doing lately. im gonna try to sleep rn cus i took some hydroxyzine for the first time and i think its starting to make me sleepy. sleep is so scary too..... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh alright

 

[zombiegirl]

ive had a terrible fucking week. its been a year since my last panic attack/episode or whatever u wanna call it but two days ago i had one. now im back taking fucking antipsychotics which are absolutely horrible for u and dont rlly help long-term. im seeing a psych on wednesday that specializes in OCD (my diagnosis) but im starting to freak out a bit bcus im thinking i have something else besides just that. maybe bipolar II or even schizophrenia. i dont necessarily fit the diagnostic criteria but my thoughts are so terrifying and dread-enducing that im sure i have some other shit. ive been feeling so much anxiety and existential dread, as i mentioned, and have to take benzos to sleep. it all just feels hopeless like im going to be stuck like this forever. it feels like ive fried my brain so badly in the last few years with horrible memories/trauma that ill never ever be the same person i was before all this started. im only 21 (just had my birthday) i feel like i should be able to live a long, happy life but its been absolute shit since 18. im so scared man i just want it all to stop i want it all to go away im so sad, depressed, ANXIOUS, angry, dissociated everything dude im feeling EVERYTHING. i literally prayed to god for him to make the thoughts stop and im not even religious lolz. anyways thats how ive been doing lately. im gonna try to sleep rn cus i took some hydroxyzine for the first time and i think its starting to make me sleepy. sleep is so scary too..... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh alright

thats awful and i actually really relate to all that. what antipsychotics are you on? maybe they can try a mood stabilizer instead or even an antidepressant? a lot of meds are versatile (i'm on a med usually for OCD but it's treating my depression) so try asking for genetic testing if ur insurance covers it!! the right meds can literally be a lifesaver

anyways i know what it's like for your brain to be your own worst enemy and stuff. sounds like yours is also hyperactive (have you looked into adhd at all?) which is its own personal hell and i'm truly sorry

 

[yeaimhere13]

thats awful and i actually really relate to all that. what antipsychotics are you on? maybe they can try a mood stabilizer instead or even an antidepressant? a lot of meds are versatile (i'm on a med usually for OCD but it's treating my depression) so try asking for genetic testing if ur insurance covers it!! the right meds can literally be a lifesaver

anyways i know what it's like for your brain to be your own worst enemy and stuff. sounds like yours is also hyperactive (have you looked into adhd at all?) which is its own personal hell and i'm truly sorry

ive heard of those gene tests but i worry that they're gimmicks. my insurance doesn't cover any mental health treatments (doc appointments, therapy) besides some medications. fortunately, i have the resouces to receive help thanks to benefits from my job and family support. i just started vraylar 1.5mg, but the script was given to me by a non-psychiatric nurse practitioner. she claims to be familiar with what she's prescribing me, but regardless, im gonna go see a real psychiatrist. i dont think i have ADHD (?). maybe a little bit, but i wouldnt know how to point it out. ill try to be open with the doctor about my concerns and see what they say. its possible i just need to take therapy more serious. i feel quite doomed so im not even sure what type of therapy i should be in. i could go back to outpatient but its quiteeee expensive and i may get fired from my job which is a risk i dont think im willing to take rn. i wish i could just CTB. though the idea is extremely daunting given that none of the methods are 100%.

 

[zombiegirl]

ive heard of those gene tests but i worry that they're gimmicks. my insurance doesn't cover any mental health treatments (doc appointments, therapy) besides some medications. fortunately, i have the resouces to receive help thanks to benefits from my job and family support. i just started vraylar 1.5mg, but the script was given to me by a non-psychiatric nurse practitioner. she claims to be familiar with what she's prescribing me, but regardless, im gonna go see a real psychiatrist. i dont think i have ADHD (?). maybe a little bit, but i wouldnt know how to point it out. ill try to be open with the doctor about my concerns and see what they say. its possible i just need to take therapy more serious. i feel quite doomed so im not even sure what type of therapy i should be in. i could go back to outpatient but its quiteeee expensive and i may get fired from my job which is a risk i dont think im willing to take rn. i wish i could just CTB. though the idea is extremely daunting given that none of the methods are 100%.

i know we're on a suicide forum but i wanted to say i hope you can find the will to fight through this. i know it's hard and painful and i don't know much about ur circumstances but i wish you the best and that you can find happiness, even if it's small. i'm sorry about ur insurance, i know how it feels, i also live in the States and it suuuuuucks. definitely the insurance situation is a top 10 killer for people

 

[casualauto]

an online friend i made a couple months ago said they didnt want to be my friend anymore. they had asked me for some space so we hadnt talked in about a month. we had gotten along well from what i could tell. they said i pathologized their behavior too much and it made them uncomfortable. had i known that i would have adjusted my behavior. it really got to me… it feels emberassing and hurtful. i wish they had just talked to me rather than resorted to randomly cutting things off but oh well. ill get over it in a bit. just stings rn

 

[Blueberry Panic]

Is choosing death over a partner a bad thing? I'm suffering

 

[Michelstaedter]

Do you know Spanish? I've been wanting to talk to someone (suicidal) for a while, or at least someone depressed enough (lucid) to realize how shitty the world, its people, and society are (not everyone). Deep down, though, I'd like to die poetically, with a woman (I've never had a girlfriend) and leave this world with her, leave this fucking world with us. Ironically, it scares me more than dying alone, because I think about it and say, would I really let someone I could love die? And that's where the contradiction begins, because I feel like I would never want someone I love to die, nor would I want to see them unhappy. I wouldn't like to know that I die and that they're unhappy. Not to act important, but it's a fucking contradiction. If I see the person I love die, I would feel really, really, really, really bad. But if I die and I know beforehand that the person I love remains in this world and feels really, really, really, really sad, that would be painful for me.

 

[MyPalBudd]

I wanna go to college but I'm too stupid. If I try again this will be my 4th time trying and my parents are paying so their forcing me to do one class at a time at a community college. All I've ever wanted to do is be a paleontologist but that will never happen because the pandemic ruined my senior year of high school. I was so close 4 years ago to killing myself and quite frankly I should have done it. I just want to be 19 again and have a normal college experience so I can fit in with everyone else and be a normal functioning person. Everything was over from the beginning.

 

[LastDayOnEarth]

I'm going to kill myself, I just don't have access to a good spot for jumping at the moment but it's all a matter of time