Surrounded by Chaos

[wiIIow]

There's a very specific feeling I get around others, and I've never been able to really articulate it. I wonder if you guys will know what I am talking about.

Watching other people, it feels like being surrounded by this sort of predictable chaos. Like everyone is acting out a play, and I'm insane for not participating. Everyone is in on this big joke that I'm not a part of.
Most just seem sort of cool with it, like at work for example. People killing themselves for more money, 50+ hours a week, "gotta make that money!" For what though? Until you have enough, and then everything is fine? It's never enough, you always want more, you're always working for the next thing. Never thinking about what's happening right now, right in front of you.
Idk I just can't get myself into that mode, of being on autopilot and slaving away so that I can make more money so I can buy more things that I don't have time for because I'm too busy working for the next thing etc.

Anyway
It often feels like a video game, like everyone around me is an NPC with pre-programmed lines and actions, it's all so automatic and fake and I constantly feel like I'm on a loop. People rarely surprise me (as if I didn't sound pretentious enough with this shit)

Maybe I've completely lost my mind, or maybe someone here will know what the actual fuck I'm talking about. I don't know how to describe this feeling, but it has a lot of layers to it and specifically relates with being around most people, especially crowds or coworkers. I've had this feeling for a long time

 

[wiIIow]

Another example is being out and about in crowds, especially at the bars. I feel like I'm watching a zoo exhibit, and likewise I feel like that's how people probably view me. It's always the same dance, different day. The same conversations, the same mating rituals, same shit. And perhaps I'm the crazy little rabid dog cramping their style.
It's an uncomfortable feeling all around.

 

[therhydler]

I seem to have this feeling too... don't know if it's exactly the same, but it's like everyone is participating in this extremely shitty game, crowding around it and getting all high when they earn some points, and I just don't see the fucking point. Everyone seems crazy to me. And life, it's just the same repetitive crap... you eat, sleep, earn money, spend money, earn more to spend more and blah blah... I just don't see the point of it all, of making such a fuss about it. Of being so engaged.

 

[ThinkingAboutThis]

I know. I look at my earlier life and think about all those years working and all that money that could have been spent in so many different ways and all that time that could have spent so differently. It's awful when I look back.

 

[wiIIow]

I seem to have this feeling too... don't know if it's exactly the same, but it's like everyone is participating in this extremely shitty game, crowding around it and getting all high when they earn some points, and I just don't see the fucking point. Everyone seems crazy to me. And life, it's just the same repetitive crap... you eat, sleep, earn money, spend money, earn more to spend more and blah blah... I just don't see the point of it all, of making such a fuss about it. Of being so engaged.

Yeah I feel that. There really is no point, and I'm not able to get into that mindset of assigning some sort of false meaning to everything. I don't really blame others for doing so, I'm sure it would be a great comfort.
Lately though I have been trying to be more engaged with the present, just zoning in on what is happening at exactly the moment where I am. I think a lot of us spend so much time stuck in the past, or constantly focusing on the future, and we forget about Right Now. I know I do, and I know it contributes greatly to my anxiety. Always feeling like I'm in a rush, like I have to hurry up to the next thing. But what the fuck is the next thing?

I'm trying to slow everything down, observe everything as it comes, even my own thoughts. Since I've started practicing this, I've been noticing a lot more about my surroundings and myself than I did before. That includes human behavior, and realizing the way we're programmed and conditioned to be, and how much of that conditioning is senseless and destructive

 

[Johnnythefox]

I constantly feel like I'm on a loop.

I was thinking of this the other day, and it's true, I mentioned in another post that history repeats itself, and maybe the universe is on a loop, destined to repeat for infinity. And endless cycle of creation and destruction.

 

[Johnnythefox]

observe everything as it comes,

Mindfulness does help, like you say, what's the point of dwelling in the past?
As john lennon said "life is what happens while you are busy making other plans"

 

[wiIIow]

Mindfulness does help, like you say, what's the point of dwelling in the past?
As john lennon said "life is what happens while you are busy making other plans"

totally. I've wasted so much time rehashing the past over and over, reimagining it to what Id like it to have been, or reliving the worst moments in a bout of self-destruction, or reliving the best ones and aching to be there one more time. Meanwhile time goes on, and I'm not here for it

 

[wiIIow]

everyone is participating in this extremely shitty game, crowding around it and getting all high when they earn some points, and I just don't see the fucking point. Everyone seems crazy to me.

also yeah, this pretty much hits the nail on the head. this is how it feels. or like a slot machine, constantly feeding into it, getting that dopamine rush, waiting for the big jackpot that doesn't come

 

[Johnnythefox]

Well, I'll see you all back here in several billion years!

"Prof Steinhardt argues that what happens in the future could also have happened in our past"

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2005/apr/14/research.highereducation1

 

[21Neberg]

I recognize your feelings. I have a ton of social issues, so I definitely relate to the feeling of being an 'outside spectator' when watching people talk to each other. I always wonder what it'd be like to talk to people easily without it being awkward. I wonder what it'd be like to have friends who want to see me and talk to me.

 

[wiIIow]

Well, I'll see you all back here in several billion years!

"Prof Steinhardt argues that what happens in the future could also have happened in our past"

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2005/apr/14/research.highereducation1

Where time becomes a loop
where time becomes a loop
where time becomes a loop
where time becomes a loop

 

[Johnnythefox]

Who's to say that we are not all characters in some Cosmic simulation. Size is relative, I doubt that an ant is aware of us, so do things exist so enormous that we can never see them?
Maybe I should go lie down...

https://www.southampton.ac.uk/news/2017/01/holographic-universe.page

 

[2211264]

There's a very specific feeling I get around others, and I've never been able to really articulate it. I wonder if you guys will know what I am talking .......

I dont think i have the SAME feeling, most likely something very similiar. i think i do understand and get a feeling for alot if not all the same reasons you do.

When im in these crowd/social environments i just cant seem to grasp it or fit in. I just keep seeing peoples body language, watching behaviour and just seeing those "auto programmed" behaviour cycles. I cant help but think my problem is im just not interested in the pre concieved goal/ activity .

I want to do something real not just talk about shit. I want do something with other people and see different parts of them. Reactions,stresses,real emotions etc. Not just stand around and drink and talk.

 

[ganpres37]

There's a very specific feeling I get around others, and I've never been able to really articulate it. I wonder if you guys will know what I am talking about.

Watching other people, it feels like being surrounded by this sort of predictable chaos. Like everyone is acting out a play, and I'm insane for not participating. Everyone is in on this big joke that I'm not a part of.
Most just seem sort of cool with it, like at work for example. People killing themselves for more money, 50+ hours a week, "gotta make that money!" For what though? Until you have enough, and then everything is fine? It's never enough, you always want more, you're always working for the next thing. Never thinking about what's happening right now, right in front of you.
Idk I just can't get myself into that mode, of being on autopilot and slaving away so that I can make more money so I can buy more things that I don't have time for because I'm too busy working for the next thing etc.

Anyway
It often feels like a video game, like everyone around me is an NPC with pre-programmed lines and actions, it's all so automatic and fake and I constantly feel like I'm on a loop. People rarely surprise me (as if I didn't sound pretentious enough with this shit)

Maybe I've completely lost my mind, or maybe someone here will know what the actual fuck I'm talking about. I don't know how to describe this feeling, but it has a lot of layers to it and specifically relates with being around most people, especially crowds or coworkers. I've had this feeling for a long time

not only do i completely understand, i feel the exact same way. no exaggeration. this is the most relatable thing i've read in a while.