HollowCreek
Member
- Apr 3, 2025
- 45
A lot of people ctb because of trauma. I will, I can't live with PTSD. But it's equally a philosophical perspective. Maybe this view is a coping mechanism but I never see anyone discuss ctb because of humanity as a whole. I can sit here in my first world suburban neighborhood and cry all I want. But I'm going to state that when I discover the trauma of others, it's almost like I experience glimpses of it in graphic detail. It feels like I'm carrying their pain and the sins of their abusers. On a daily basis, my brain bombards me with visceral images of the most disgusting filth and violence imaginable. After ten years of symptoms worsening, multiple therapists, psychologist, hospitals, meds, etc. I realized that I can't pull this weight anymore. I don't know why I'm like this but I'm wondering if anyone else wants to ctb because there is no use living on a world like this. I don't think any amount of 'fun' makes up for the horror all around us. I genuinely have no idea why everyone doesn't ctb. From an objective perspective, human consiousness is a mistake. I do not feel any happiness or joy from anything that people say is what makes life worth living for- relationships, hobbies, life goals (??). I have never felt love, achivement, gratitude, satisfaction or anything besides these intensely putridly negative breakdowns. I don't think it's ethnical at all when I didnt decide to be mentally ill and so I feel no joy, then make me live for eighty years. I'm not a person, I'm my family's comfort item. I can't do that anymore. I've told half of them off. My original point- I honestly do not know how anyone lives at all or even wants to live unless they are naive, a monster who hurts others or you have child dependants. I know I'm not insane but I cannot for a second wrap my head around how the suffering of others (especially children), the hatred of strangers and the hostile society remains the norm. Our ego driven personalities in a broken system only push to control psychplogical and persobality narratives by those in power so women become objects and men become consumers. So fresh food, open honestly and a decent life are not the norm. People want to say that 'the election changed it all' but it didn't. It higblighted what was here and what has been here for thousands of years. Humanity is doomed to fail because we think as individuals and not a species. If humanity cannot get its act together in this period of time to the point where it looks like the same caveman beating himself with a rock, then I have no desire to be a apart of it. I don't know why anyone else does.
