Help Suicide or treatment

[iDieUDie80]

Shouldn't come as a surprise that I am indecisive, having OCD and all, but moreover, this is a very important decision.

I am scheduled to be admitted into a residential depression program on Sunday afternoon, but I'm not sure if I want to do that or not. This week has been incredibly difficult. I have been awake for hours thinking about suicide multiple nights before finally getting to sleep. I've been in so much pain, and so close to finally acting. About 90 percent of me wants to kill myself, 10 percent wants to do the residential program.

I am being told that my life has potential, but I don't believe that at all, and there are good reasons to believe so, particularly because of my criminal background and the nature of those offenses. But I am also being tortured by my intrusive thoughts, and have ongoing obsessions that I think will even shock the people I talk to at residential (keep in mind, I have done three different programs with the same provider in the past year). I don't feel comfortable at all opening up about what's plaguing me, I'm terrified of what they will say, what they might want me to do about it, and this is why I feel I can't accept what I believe to be my reality.

Tonight is my only chance before residential. I have the rope and know the place where I want to do it.

 

[oneDay1]

Hey there.

I'm Really sorry to see that you're struggling with these thoughts and in pain. I'll preface this by saying I have no idea what your story is or what you've been through. In my head suicide is always an option, but I think one should attempt only after everything else fails. It still sounds like you want to keep on fighting and thats amaizing, maybe you're open to give treatment another try?

Hey there.

I'm Really sorry to see that you're struggling with these thoughts and in pain. I'll preface this by saying I have no idea what your story is or what you've been through. In my head suicide is always an option, but I think one should attempt only after everything else fails. It still sounds like you want to keep on fighting and thats amaizing, maybe you're open to give treatment another try?

feel free to pm me as well

 

[filthyrottendirty]

Seek treatment

 

[oneDay1]

Seek treatment

Wishing you the best of luck with treatment!

 

[iDieUDie80]

I had. a bad dream last night and I just feel sick about the whole thing.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think personally, suicide is a last resort, when we are desperate and out of options. We can do it any time. If you did treatment and that option failed at least then you would have tried everything that could have possibly helped. I wish you the best, this life can really be hard.

 

[dietsodamnsad]

If you have the option for treatment take it! You might as well try, you only have your life to lose. You may as well give it your best shot and go all it with recovery x

 

[iDieUDie80]

If you have the option for treatment take it! You might as well try, you only have your life to lose. You may as well give it your best shot and go all it with recovery x

I wish I could say I was enthusiastic about going in, but I'm not, at all. I am terrified of what awaits me for roughly two months.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Living or dying both seem like shitty options to me. What grave sin did I commit to be born into this world? I hate my asshole parents for forcing existence onto me.

 

[WornOutLife]

It's certainly a very difficult situation to be in but if you have some kind of hope, even if it's just a 10%, I think you should give a shot.

CTB should be the last choice. After all, there's no turning back.

Whatever you do, wish you the best!

Hugs,

Matt