Suicide by liver and kidney failure update - I'm TIRED

[eattwinkiesseejesus]

Getting more and more tired by the day, simply walking and getting up has me breathless. I have a headache thats not left for 3 days, not sure how to explain how it feels except that maybe it feels like my brain is swollen and pushing on the inside of my skull - like intense pressure pushing outward, its weird but not like super painful (?) Just constant and exhausting. My mental clarity becomes more blurry and confusing by the day, I was driving the other night and for the life of me just couldn't keep the car on the road I felt drunk in the head but I was completely sober - don't think I'll be driving much longer. I lose track of my thoughts and forget an entire conversation mid sentence ... the brain confusion is actually becoming increasingly depressing to be honest. I feel like an invalid, just a stupid burden that has been and always will be - the family problem. Its not all the physical pain and issues I mind so much but losing my mind... I honestly (stupidly) didnt even think about the effect offing my organs would have on my mind. I can't handle losing my mind. (yes i know these are the consequences of my own actions and I shouldn't bitch and whine)

When you Google liver failure due to acetaminophen abuse typically these symptoms appear:
Nausea and vomiting
Loss of appetite
Abdominal pain
Fatigue
Jaundice (yellowing of the skin or eyes)
Dark urine
Easy bruising
Diarrhea

All of that? Piece of cake. Exhausting and draining and obviously not great as a daily but - things I was willing to accept to ctb. However, what I didnt see until I dug deeper are the more intense symptoms that come with end stage liver and kidney decline such as :
Delirium*
Hepatic encephalopathy*
Ascites*
Irritability
Anger problems and mood swings
... to name a few

I thought it would just be physical. I was so ignorant to the mental effect it would have

 

[PAQUITOELCHOCOLATER]

Illness IS the most terrible thing in this world

 

[secretghost]

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Not to sway your decision, but all of us here would be happy even if you end up getting medical assistance and seeking another method at a later time. Regardless of what you do, my heart breaks to hear how you're going through it :-( well wishes

 

[SmilingNoMore]

I had ascites, 9 months of fluid tapping (between 3 and 10 litres at a time), and miraculously recovered from that. I also lost all muscle mass due to sarcopenia and literally looked like a pregnant skeleton. My liver is still scarred after 2 years. It was pure hell, liver pain is extreme, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I wasn't trying to kill myself at the time but also refused to stop drinking. Ironically, when the ascites disappeared, I stopped drinking. Then it felt as if I was losing my mind and I think that was symptoms of Hepatic Encephalopathy. While ascites is horrible, HE is just unthinkable. The body can be extremely resilient, and I believe is "designed" to self-heal, but the mind can only endure so much. I wish you all the best.

 

[eattwinkiesseejesus]

I had ascites, 9 months of fluid tapping (between 3 and 10 litres at a time), and miraculously recovered from that. I also lost all muscle mass due to sarcopenia and literally looked like a pregnant skeleton. My liver is still scarred after 2 years. It was pure hell, liver pain is extreme, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I wasn't trying to kill myself at the time but also refused to stop drinking. Ironically, when the ascites disappeared, I stopped drinking. Then it felt as if I was losing my mind and I think that was symptoms of Hepatic Encephalopathy. While ascites is horrible, HE is just unthinkable. The body can be extremely resilient, and I believe is "designed" to self-heal, but the mind can only endure so much. I wish you all the best.

Im sorry you went thru and are still dealing truly, not something i would wish on anyone.

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Not to sway your decision, but all of us here would be happy even if you end up getting medical assistance and seeking another method at a later time. Regardless of what you do, my heart breaks to hear how you're going through it :-( well wishes

Im on the verge... realizing I have to make a right now decision about whether I really want to try to get better or if Im just gonna try to go with it now. Called the doc today... got an appointment set up to discuss more testing and perhaps discuss options next month.
None of my thinking was logical.. clearly.. personally im not sure i mind the method but I can't have my family seeing me go out this way