Suicide, as an act of self love.

[MicahBell]

I'm in my last several hours of being alive.
For me, my death is an act of self love and self respect. I had a good day. I'm not nervous. I'm choosing today because i'm happy, and I don't want misery to be the last thing I feel.

This is the closest thing i'll have to a suicide note, because I won't be leaving one. All my life people have disrespected me. For my family i've been the one they talk over, the one who "never showed any signs" or "was too young to be mentally ill", when everyone else was allowed to. I decided I respect myself and I don't owe them any explanation. They will see this as an act of rebellion against them. I don't care what they feel anymore, my death will be about me.

I've always felt things more strongly than most people, loved extremely intensely. Which is great when you have something to love- when you don't, it feels like you're missing more than a normal person would. I've never made something beautiful, or been beautiful. I've never done something amazing. I've never been anyone's favourite person. For some it would feel sad if they died like that, but to be honest i'm elated. That I can finally stop suffering for other's sake and prioritise myself, since no one else will.

The thing i'd like most in the world is just to go out to dinner and laugh with a few friends. I've never experienced that. I love life, and i've been held back because i'll always want just a little bit longer. Tonight i'm mourning my own life since no one else will. All the foods i'll never eat again, all the overcast mornings i'll miss, all the times my cat will purr and drool when someone scratches his ear and it won't be me anymore.

But I'm happy. I don't know if its paradoxical to be happy and to be mourning at the same time. I hope it isn't. I deserved better, and also i refuse to die miserable.

I'm not sure anyone will read this stupid crap. Anyone who's date is coming up, how are you gonna spend your last day or your last week?

 

[homeboundcripple]

Good luck and all the best

 

[letmeseethedeath]

I'm in my last several hours of being alive.
For me, my death is an act of self love and self respect. I had a good day. I'm not nervous. I'm choosing today because i'm happy, and I don't want misery to be the last thing I feel.

This is the closest thing i'll have to a suicide note, because I won't be leaving one. All my life people have disrespected me. For my family i've been the one they talk over, the one who "never showed any signs" or "was too young to be mentally ill", when everyone else was allowed to. I decided I respect myself and I don't owe them any explanation. They will see this as an act of rebellion against them. I don't care what they feel anymore, my death will be about me.

I've always felt things more strongly than most people, loved extremely intensely. Which is great when you have something to love- when you don't, it feels like you're missing more than a normal person would. I've never made something beautiful, or been beautiful. I've never done something amazing. I've never been anyone's favourite person. For some it would feel sad if they died like that, but to be honest i'm elated. That I can finally stop suffering for other's sake and prioritise myself, since no one else will.

The thing i'd like most in the world is just to go out to dinner and laugh with a few friends. I've never experienced that. I love life, and i've been held back because i'll always want just a little bit longer. Tonight i'm mourning my own life since no one else will. All the foods i'll never eat again, all the overcast mornings i'll miss, all the times my cat will purr and drool when someone scratches his ear and it won't be me anymore.

But I'm happy. I don't know if its paradoxical to be happy and to be mourning at the same time. I hope it isn't. I deserved better, and also i refuse to die miserable.

I'm not sure anyone will read this stupid crap. Anyone who's date is coming up, how are you gonna spend your last day or your last week?

i'm so sorry you're suffering
i can see myself in your words, i've never been happy in my life, always lonely and hurt
i think my day is about to come and i wanna ask you what is your method, mine is hanging
i hope it goes smooth for both of us
we deserved better, we'll be okay once we go
i'm sending you so many hugs and positive vibes for your journey
safe travels

 

[MidnightTrains]

I had this revelation the other day. I could never envision a future where I would die happy so why would I bother living it? After a life of selflessness, always putting myself on the sidelines for others happiness and comfort, the thought of going out on my own terms filled me with joy. I truly dont see suicide as a negative thing if its what you know you really want. It's bittersweet.
I hope you have an amazing day and I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do. ♡

 

[PotentiallyWasted]

I truly hope you find peace.

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm sorry for your situation. Your words are very touching. I wish you peace

 

[NellyGoes]

all the times my cat will purr and drool when someone scratches his ear and it won't be me anymore.

My heart always breaks into a million pieces when I read about people leaving their pets behind. They don't understand, they will grieve, they didn't deserve this. I hope OP finds peace and an end to their suffering.

 

[dogwolfybark]

Feeling things way too strongly I empathize with.
It's really hard to deal with. It seems like
a lot of us feel way too much. It hurts.

 

[Holu]

I hope you went painlessly and serenely. I know you won't read this but thank you for the perspective. I quite like the idea that suicide is self love, because at the end of the day we just want the suffering and pain to cease.