Venting subconscious co-dependence?

[Life_and_Death]

im an independent person. "no, i can do it" "no, i dont need help" are things i say regularly, even when i need help. but sometimes i ask for help even when i know i can do it. but its like the information i need is behind a wall. if i was left alone i know id figure it out myself. thats how ive always done stuff, just picking it up and figuring it out as i go. ok a good example. we have this new old dryer that isnt working very well. i was about to message my husband and ask "do you want me to see if the load is dry and shut it off if it is?" why the fuck was i going to ask a stupid stupid question. just go fucking do it yourself. its obvious. youre an adult. just do stuff. its one thing if i was legitimately lost and had no idea what to do but this isnt the case. these are things i should have no problem figuring out myself. of course he would have wanted me to check the laundry, why ask such a stupid stupid question.

or maybe its just an abusive trait where im scared of messing something up so i have to double check everything even the obvious. i think i need to pay more attention to myself over the next few days and figure it out.

 

[cii]

I think you're being very hard on yourself. That's not an abusive trait at all, and it's not a stupid, stupid question either. Even independent people need reassurance and validation sometimes, it shows that you trust your husband that you let your guard down and asked him. You could have figured it out yourself yes, but what harm is there in double checking? It gives you peace of mind. I hope you will be a little more kind to yourself, you don't deserve to feel so bad about needing help sometimes, we all do.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I think you're being very hard on yourself. That's not an abusive trait at all, and it's not a stupid, stupid question either. Even independent people need reassurance and validation sometimes, it shows that you trust your husband that you let your guard down and asked him. You could have figured it out yourself yes, but what harm is there in double checking? It gives you peace of mind. I hope you will be a little more kind to yourself, you don't deserve to feel so bad about needing help sometimes, we all do.

ok that made me happy cry a little lol

 

[Samsara]

I think you're being very hard on yourself. That's not an abusive trait at all, and it's not a stupid, stupid question either. Even independent people need reassurance and validation sometimes, it shows that you trust your husband that you let your guard down and asked him. You could have figured it out yourself yes, but what harm is there in double checking? It gives you peace of mind. I hope you will be a little more kind to yourself, you don't deserve to feel so bad about needing help sometimes, we all do.

I agree. We all have moments like this. OP, I feel it would be a bit different if, say, you had difficulty asking your husband for help when you feel overwhelmed with something, and in this situation it sounds like you simply feel comfortable enough with your husband to double check. :)

 

[Life_and_Death]

I agree. We all have moments like this. OP, I feel it would be a bit different if, say, you had difficulty asking your husband for help when you feel overwhelmed with something, and in this situation it sounds like you simply feel comfortable enough with your husband to double check. :)

youre just trying to make me cry more lol

 

[Samsara]

youre just trying to make me cry more lol

Only if they're tears of joy!

 

[muffin222]

I can relate to this. I used to be the same way- I would doubt myself constantly on stupid little things that I already KNEW the answer to. For me, the self doubt was born out of being a victim of gaslighting in the past and losing faith in my own inner knowing as a result. Even if I knew the answer to something, somehow I felt like I had to check in with someone else just in case I didn't actually know the answer, even though the answer was extremely obvious. It's like I was scared to fully trust my own instincts