Venting Stupid Vent– wanting to be be saved before CTB.

[futurebuscatcher]

I don't think anyone around me gets the actual severity of what I am going through. Even friends who say I can talk to them just don't get it.

There's just a part of that's convinced if I try to attempt and are at least stopped maybe then will they actually help me. Realistically though theyre just gonna send me to a mental hospital to get abused and make me worse before and then sweep it under the rug. I just want someone to fucking help me but it's nor gonna happen so I shoukd get CTB for real.

I feel like such an attention seeker but I cant handle it.

 

[babouflo201223]

I think I can understand what you mean. You need attention, care and to be loved. You don't really want to die, you want somebody saves you and helps you. You're human, not selfish. Be kind with you, I'm sure you deserve that.

 

[badK9wolf]

I understand completely. I've told my parents what I'm thinking of doing but maybe an actual attempt will get them to step in with more support.

 

[identity0]

This was thought-provoking for me, because it led me to question if i feel the same. I think the only difference for me is that I dont have any part of me that is convinced that anyone can help me. It would be really immoral for me because I have only one person that could support me and theyre not in a position to do so since there is romance involved and they are seeing someone else. I think it strongly depends on the personal situation since some people have problems that can be dealt with and a latent support network that could be activated and actually work with them to improve their life.

 

[FadingSentinel]

I wouldn't say psychiatric hospitals are there to abuse you, I have friends there and they are able to manage (3 in total), sometimes it's not all how they want it to be but often they recognise the positives too. I have never had an intake myself but i have visited them often. It is a place where they try to help you. The chance is very real though that the people around you will want you to go there, but tbf I feel like most people are incapable of providing the help/care you might need or expect. Even if they want to.

 

[willitpass]

You're far from alone or strange for that. It's called pseudo-suicide. Attempting with the intent/hope of being saved. Some people do it for pure attention, but more often than not it really is a cry for help. I personally don't think it's a good idea for many reasons.

For one it can be very traumatizing for not only those who find you or are put in the situation of having to get you help, but also for yourself. People don't talk enough about how traumatic it is to survive an attempt. I've been so traumatized from my survived attempts (they weren't pseudo-attempts but I don't think that would matter) that I haven't been able to overcome the trauma and SI for almost four years to attempt again despite desperately wanting to. People also handle the trauma of going through that with someone differently. You may find you lose the friends or family that are subjected to this attempt if it is too triggering or difficult for them. And you are also playing with death. Even if the intent is to survive, you are still putting yourself in a potentially lethal situation. If you are not found soon enough you could die or be left with severe, permanent damage. You also already mentioned the likelihood of being sent inpatient for it.

All of this to say it isn't just you. You aren't alone in this desire. But to actually execute it is a bad idea.

I wouldn't say psychiatric hospitals are there to abuse you, I have friends there and they are able to manage (3 in total), sometimes it's not all how they want it to be but often they recognise the positives too. I have never had an intake myself but i have visited them often. It is a place where they try to help you. The chance is very real though that the people around you will want you to go there, but tbf I feel like most people are incapable of providing the help/care you might need or expect. Even if they want to.

I personally have been to many psych wards and left with nothing but severe trauma. They are part of a severely broken system and need reform yesterday.

 

[futurebuscatcher]

All of this to say it isn't just you. You aren't alone in this desire. But to actually execute it is a bad idea.

Yeah, I know. It's just a thought I keep having. Acting on it is pretty unfair to those around me

 

[coolgal82]

i feel the same alot of the time, partially i wanna survive just to see what its like to prepare myself for if i do it but like part of me thinks idfk maybe something will change somehow and it'll let me get some new kind of help or even like somehow stop doubting myself as much or something? idfk.

 

[futurebuscatcher]

i feel the same alot of the time, partially i wanna survive just to see what its like to prepare myself for if i do it but like part of me thinks idfk maybe something will change somehow and it'll let me get some new kind of help or even like somehow stop doubting myself as much or something? idfk.

Yeah that's how I feel too but there's also just a sorta embarrassment in it if that makes sense. Like "oooh look at me I tried to kill myself after sending you all my notes hahaha anyways let's ignore that" and all. Like it just oddly feels manipulative or toxic even if it's isnt.