Venting Stuff I Feel Comfortable About Ranting Publicly

[Unsure and Useless]

Collection 2 out of 3. A place for me to vent my thoughts while providing me a bit of novelty so that I may shake things up a bit

And also, a place where any stranger can read my experience. Maybe have a laugh, identify with, or in the case of a few particularly greedy ones, report on for money

January 24th, 2026
My mind feels like a spool of thread. It has been unraveled by an unseen force, and now, I can barely make sense of my life. Days, no matter how distinct, are lost to the fog, and the concept of a day alone is a blurred mishmash of events that happened yesterday or several months ago. I'm so scared. I'm in my early twenties, yet I feel my brain rotting in its skeletal chamber

What is the difference between the me of the previous week and the me of the now? I don't know. I swear I place things up but that is something the me of two days prior did. Time is a gaseous substance that possesses no rhyme or reason

Who am I? My existence is confined within the rigid routine of the world around me. Only few know of me in the way I want to be known. How painful it will be to abandon them when I inevitably walk the path I was born to walk

A cute anime girl defines my existence now. Before that, a genius, and before that, a creature who has lost all hope. Before even that, an android, and before that, the most blatant depiction of my desire to CTB. Before, before, before. Before is so easy. Before, there were less variables

Digital depictions of the existence behind glass and crystal and plastic. So malleable and deceiving. There are infinite possibilities behind it

Sayori defines my existence in the one avenue of communication I am most comfortable with. She probably will continue to do so until the very end. On here, I am defined as pieces of toast as a nod to a friend(?) on here who has recovered completely

Such simple depictions are things I cling onto more fervently than my own hollow identity. I am just a transient ghost in the real world who only exists when someone tangible decides to bless me with an interaction. I am made real through that until the conversation ends, and I cease to be. I am a parasite, yearning to grow my roots and take over until all that is is me

There is no use saving a shell. It's a fool's errand

Typing this has no meaning either. The meaning of these words cease to exist without a perceiver, and I will forget these words once I'm done. All things are lost to the fog my consciousness exists in

The only things that are solid in my mind are people, and even they are consumed by the fog—smothering out all traces of bitterness, envy, gratitude, sorrow, and joy

I wonder if they know the fog is with me. I am such a silly person, an existence defined by a fictional girl. They type away, laughing, yet I am hollow

My nails are nonexistent, just like the order to my directionless thoughts

 

[Unsure and Useless]

January 25th, 2026
The site went down today. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was routine maintenance. Although, when I found out, I remember being in acute distress because I really wanted to write something here. I don't remember what it is I wanted to write anymore (it was all consumed by the fog), but I still feel that need to write something here even though I forgot what I was supposed to be writing about

I wanted to test my anchor today, but with more people staying over, it is impossible. Furthermore, they may stay longer than desirable due to the winter season icing the roads. I wish I had knowledge of the esoteric arts to gleam some sort of meaning out of this. Without it, I just feel frustrated that I cannot take that one step closer towards CTB

I considered adding a part of this thread for strangers (non-users specifically), even if they never see these. I don't see the harm, so... here goes.

Spoiler: To You, a Non-User

Is it strange to see this? I wonder if you see my writing and think it's all so trivial. You've probably come up with some miracle solution reading this. "Go outside!" or something along those lines. Am I right?

Touching grass isn't a miracle solution. Believe me, I've tried. Going outside, surrounded by people, makes me more anxious. They all hate me, even if they don't know it yet

 

[Unsure and Useless]

January 28th, 2026
I feel a pit of dread in my stomach while heading to university, and I feel so nauseous. I want to CTB because my GPA's so low. I'm too scared to pay off the balance of my tuition because I don't want it to go to waste on a semester I'm going to do poorly in

I don't know how to function like a proper student. I can't work. I can't study. What is wrong with me?

I should've CTB yesterday. What was I thinking?