sorry for posting

[i_just_need_a_hug]

I can't handle it.
I can't function at all.
I got a job for the first time in 2 years.
It's barbacking at a bar that stands mostly empty this time of the year.
I still can't handle it.
Had 2 shifts. Caused me to have multiple painful breakdowns as I got home. I feel so done. My brain is scrambled. I am fucking mentally disabled. I'm so tired of being a burden to my mom.
The next shift is on Wed and I'm dreading it. It causes me to be in so much pain afterwards. I can't not go either because it would mean failing once again. As long as I can remember it's just been failing and failing over and over again. That's life, I guess, but over the years the failures become harsher and more everpresent -- it's gotten to a point where I fail at literally everything I do.
I will kill myself this week. Tried half-assedly with OD a couple of times in uni. Now I am gonna do it finally.
I do not want to live. Never wanted to.

 

[alleine]

I cant help you with that... But why cant you stand the shifts? Is it something specific? Maybe a different kind of job would help?

 

[i_just_need_a_hug]

I cant help you with that... But why cant you stand the shifts? Is it something specific? Maybe a different kind of job would help?

I dont know
i like it in the moment, i enjoy not being alone for the first time in so long
but when i come home i break down
i lose all control
i cry and scream and i cant stop
and it hurts so much
i cant do it anymore
it hurts so much
i cant find another work
im so done
i am so done
they are so mad at me and disappointed at me
my family
they think im lazy
but im trying so hard
i failed
i tried
i failed
it hurts so much
it hurts more and more with every passing day

 

[alleine]

Im sorry that you feel this way... From what you say, it seems its not the work itself, but its after work that you break down.... So maybe its not so bad and you can work? Sorry, I speak from what you say, I dont intend to be rude.

I can send you a virtual hug

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I send you a

 

[i_just_need_a_hug]

Im sorry that you feel this way... From what you say, it seems its not the work itself, but its after work that you break down.... So maybe its not so bad and you can work? Sorry, I speak from what you say, I dont intend to be rude.

I can send you a virtual hug

im sorry
you are really nice and kind
im sorry i cant do it
sorry

I send you a

sorry
you are very kind

 

[flightless bird]

It's barbacking at a bar that stands mostly empty this time of the year.
I still can't handle it.
Had 2 shifts. Caused me to have multiple painful breakdowns as I got home. I feel so done. My brain is scrambled. I am fucking mentally disabled. I'm so tired of being a burden to my mom.
The next shift is on Wed and I'm dreading it. It causes me to be in so much pain afterwards.

i don't understand. what exactly is going on? what is it that you can't handle?

 

[bankai]

Hey, I'm sorry and I understand what it's like. Can you just soldier through? No matter what. Just do it. The truth is, we all need to work to survive. From that perspective, I am asking if you can go ahead with it. I know it's brutal. But it will get better eventually. And I'm sorry for your suffering.but please keep at it.