Social norms, disconnecting

[sanctionedusage]

since i joined and started giving proper thought to ctb'ing ive been relying less and less on people irl. which was always the goal but i didnt think a social forum centered around suicide was the key lol

i never realized how pointless and empty my conversations with friends have gotten in an effort to be nicer, not annoying, more private, etc... not that ive ever live up to those standards anyway; im still the opposite of all those things. i never laugh or appreciate talking to my friends. i get nothing out of commenting on the most boring shit the other person tells me when all i want to ask is if they think itd be too trashy to livestream myself when i ctb.

one of my longest lasting friends has told me im a freak and how she misses when i was 14 and normal, "before all this stuff."
literal middle school. get over it much?

i wasn't even normal. i just had the socially acceptable disorders like milder anorexia and overachiever anxiety with some risky, public substance abuse thrown in.

im so tired of the censorship irl. i dont feel like being easy to talk to or palatable. i thought i was still myself but all i ever do is delete my own messages, spend 10+ minutes cutting them down and editing them to the bare minimum so i dont say too much. i do the same on sasu but i just wasn't aware how bad it was in my personal life. its so much easier to cut people off now. i always see posts about how people feel no one would miss them after ctb'ing, but the only thing ive ever cared about is how much id miss others. i wouldnt miss anyone in my family or my life anymore.

 

[nintendo64]

I feel you so hard. I get absolutely nothing out of talking to people irl since you can't exactly be honest about the truly dark stuff you think about when you're suicidal. I wish it wasn't so taboo to just be honest. I think about doing a livestream too when I ctb, can't exactly just bring that up in a convo with someone lol.

I'm sorry you're hurting and have no one to be truthful with, at least those of us on here can understand each other.

 

[iamnotadinosaur:(]

That's too relatable. I think that taking away the stigma and taboo of talking about suicide could definitely help with younger suicidal people get help and recover and also help everyone feel more comfortable and supported in the social realm, as we should all feel BY DEFAULT. And it's such a nuisance how mental health struggles can just sort of envelop your brain and replace all the other things you think about with dying or panicking or eating etc. etc.

(also love the Hooni pfp nintendo)

 

[amor.dor]

In society, it's normal to deny the emptiness and feign kindness and hope... but what do we have here at Sasu? People who don't deny that life is bad, and besides, for those contemplating death, why not speak honestly?You have nothing to lose.

 

[Dejected 55]

I made a post about this a while back... not just my personal interactions but observing others interacting in real and online... it has become clear to me that most people have no real interest in real connections or meaningful conversations. I'm not even talking about love or romance... friendships are exactly the same. I've seen people have the exact same conversation with each other, and neither one seems to care or notice, because they are just that disinterested in each other and going through the motions.

Everything is so transactional, and as long as people are getting the transaction they want in that moment, everything else is superfluous. Nobody really wants to know anyone else, even if they want someone to know them... no one wants to listen and respond even if they want others to hear them. People just want to skim the surface and do the bare minimum and make their human transaction to get some need met in the moment and then move on... "Friends" has kind of come to mean anyone that isn't actively out to get you... What I call acquaintances are today considered many people's "best friend", which is, I think, a sad commentary on the state of interpersonal relations these days.

Everyone is either a friend or an enemy. People will actually put more depth into their thoughts of people they hate than people they claim to like or love. It's all messed up.