Help Social anxiety and trains

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I was back at the train tracks today for the first time since September and this time even closer than ever before. Not to ctb, but to get used to it and what can I say? I felt absolutely nothing, the only thing that bothered me is being seen by others. I generally have a problem with that, so that's nothing new.

I don't want the train driver to have to do an emergency stop just because he sees me on the side "practicing" or calling the police. Another stupid thing is also that there is a road behind the tracks where you can also be seen by car drivers, but tbh, beeing seen by the train driver and it's legal(?) consequences is bothering the most.

Today I hid behind a pile of garbage because I don't want to be seen. Last September I was standing around there, even if I wasn't that close to the tracks. I'm even sure that other people saw me on a passenger train.

I have no idea if that was a progress today.

How does one control the fear of being seen?

I think it would be best to go there in the evening, but I'd be afraid to go there in the darkness because the area is really remote and dodgy.

 

[RepressedMind]

I would recommend that you get drunk before that, which should help with your anxiety. Either that, or drugs.

 

[death137]

I think you having fear of being seen means you either have social anxiety or/and don't want to see ppl traumatized. Its very difficult to stop this fear. So either pick a method that won't result in you being seen while you are doing or just accept your fear and do the train method.

 

[StateOfMind]

SI is a bitch..
This may help.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...perfection-fsu-suicide-researcher-says.56411/