So, what's next?

[kuroshimi]

Hello, it's been a while.

I took a break from the forum and didn't even notice when it went down. Glad that we're back again. Just in time, I guess.

The last few weeks I felt inspired and energized. Felt desire to do something. Even wanted to try therapy again. Everything seemed calm and okay. Still not sure, but now I think I become desperate and depressed. And I don't see any point again. Another week passed at university, the graduating is closer and closer and I still don't know what to do now and after. I still don't know how I even managed to live to be almost 20 (having birthday this month btw) and I think I really shouldn't be alive. I am pretty much useless still. I don't have any special skills, I am just broken and not made for this world. And the world is still declining and I simply don't want to live this way. I have no energy to do anything; everything is difficult. I don't sleep well and I guess never will. And I want cease from existence.

Not sure what to do next. Not actively suicidal right now, but I start thinking about it again.

 

[kuroshimi]

Bump.

 

[vascomorrow]

Hello, it's been a while.

I took a break from the forum and didn't even notice when it went down. Glad that we're back again. Just in time, I guess.

The last few weeks I felt inspired and energized. Felt desire to do something. Even wanted to try therapy again. Everything seemed calm and okay. Still not sure, but now I think I become desperate and depressed. And I don't see any point again. Another week passed at university, the graduating is closer and closer and I still don't know what to do now and after. I still don't know how I even managed to live to be almost 20 (having birthday this month btw) and I think I really shouldn't be alive. I am pretty much useless still. I don't have any special skills, I am just broken and not made for this world. And the world is still declining and I simply don't want to live this way. I have no energy to do anything; everything is difficult. I don't sleep well and I guess never will. And I want cease from existence.

Not sure what to do next. Not actively suicidal right now, but I start thinking about it again.

Happy birthday. I think you still have so much time to find something that brings you joy. Don't give up at 20..

What are you studying at university?

 

[black_iris]

happy bday!

i sometimes get swings of happiness and depression like you too so ur not alone. if i were you i would start a new hobby and listen to less depressing music. and also smiling more can make you happier. just do whatever you can to find a purpose and youll probably be happier after you do.

also volunteering can make you more happy and fulfilled, at least it does for me

wishing you luck <3

 

[UserFromNowhere]

If you're not sure what to do next, you can always talk to your professors and ask for their advice, whether that's getting a job or going onto graduate school. Might even consider a gap year to just figure out where you want to go with your life. If you're not actively suicidal, it's a reason to consider what options are available to you, and which ones you want to take. Happy (soon) birthday!

 

[kuroshimi]

Happy birthday. I think you still have so much time to find something that brings you joy. Don't give up at 20..

What are you studying at university?

Currently studying computer science engineering, but not sure that I'm really interested in this. I avoid code, but generally interested in computer technology.

happy bday!

i sometimes get swings of happiness and depression like you too so ur not alone. if i were you i would start a new hobby and listen to less depressing music. and also smiling more can make you happier. just do whatever you can to find a purpose and youll probably be happier after you do.

also volunteering can make you more happy and fulfilled, at least it does for me

wishing you luck <3

Thanks!

I guess I already started a new hobby of some kind: I got really interested in sound/audio topic last couple of years and got proper sound gear.

 

[kuroshimi]

Bump

 

[alstroemeria55]

Currently studying computer science engineering, but not sure that I'm really interested in this. I avoid code, but generally interested in computer technology.

If you're not sure you're interested or just generally interested, maybe it's not the field for you. Speaking from personal experience, I started studying networking and cloud infrastructure and I regretted it because I spent money on it only for it to bore me to death and to find out that the hitech world sucks the soul out of me. That being said I am still a tech oriented person but more as a general hobby.

I guess I already started a new hobby of some kind: I got really interested in sound/audio topic last couple of years and got proper sound gear.

I think you should get feel for the things you truly enjoy learning and think you can produce something out of and go from there. I'm personally studying something currently that I came to by analyzing my personal strengths and interests, and I'm finding the experience pleasant. Even if I'm not sure where I'm going to take it professionally yet.