XxEstenxX
A Borderline is speaking. Listen and Learn.
- Feb 10, 2026
- 61
I get so jealous seeing Borderline's dating or being married to someone for over a year—yeah, the bar is that low lol. It has to be because they're attractive—or just extremely lucky to meet someone who'd want to live with someone so unstable for the rest of their life. Humans dont usually want to be in relationships if the negative outweigh the positive no matter how valuable that positive is...and I think some people would be okay with someone so unstable if it means bragging and showing off that at least they managed to date someone hot to their friends or coworkers...
Friends are a little different. That friend would just have to worry about your emotions, but they dont have to deal with you everyday like a partner would, so you're more likely to have a close friend than a partner if you have BPD, I think. I still get jealous of hearing those with BPD have lifelong friends too, though. The longest friendship I've had lasted for almost a year, in fourth grade...and even then, there was a couple of months where we didnt talk because I had split on them for a long time, so...
I'm lucky to have a friend at the moment who does seem to care about me and is trying to understand me more. Today, she gave me her schedule for tomorrow without me even having to ask, because I had spiraled into an episode due to her absence (lack of emotional permanence yadayada) and she felt that it was the right thing to do in order to calm me down—and it did. I know that I'll fuck up this friendship too somehow, especially since we're long distance and never met irl before. If she abandons me then I've officially had enough. I already have my noose ready. The only reason why I haven't attempted yet besides not being alone in the house I'm in is because of her. Even now I'm still clinging onto hope and I know I'm fucking stupid for doing that. God I hope this friendship does work and someday I can finally see her in-person. I wonder if she even feels the same way and if she wants to even meet me too. She's told me plenty of times already that she wishes we knew each other irl but that doesnt necessarily mean that she wants to see me someday. If only I had the balls to just ask her, lol.
Friends are a little different. That friend would just have to worry about your emotions, but they dont have to deal with you everyday like a partner would, so you're more likely to have a close friend than a partner if you have BPD, I think. I still get jealous of hearing those with BPD have lifelong friends too, though. The longest friendship I've had lasted for almost a year, in fourth grade...and even then, there was a couple of months where we didnt talk because I had split on them for a long time, so...
I'm lucky to have a friend at the moment who does seem to care about me and is trying to understand me more. Today, she gave me her schedule for tomorrow without me even having to ask, because I had spiraled into an episode due to her absence (lack of emotional permanence yadayada) and she felt that it was the right thing to do in order to calm me down—and it did. I know that I'll fuck up this friendship too somehow, especially since we're long distance and never met irl before. If she abandons me then I've officially had enough. I already have my noose ready. The only reason why I haven't attempted yet besides not being alone in the house I'm in is because of her. Even now I'm still clinging onto hope and I know I'm fucking stupid for doing that. God I hope this friendship does work and someday I can finally see her in-person. I wonder if she even feels the same way and if she wants to even meet me too. She's told me plenty of times already that she wishes we knew each other irl but that doesnt necessarily mean that she wants to see me someday. If only I had the balls to just ask her, lol.
