Sitting with Old Age

[traintracks]

My grandmother is in rehab, she can barely move or eat, she's in constant pain. Parkinson's is not an illness which heals, it seems. Neither her nor her husband prepared financially for this point in their aging and thus the care she's being given is not enough, tired nurses and aids and psychologists doing the best that they can working within a broken system which has failed the elderly. TLDR: her future is bleak.

Today while I was with her in the rehab center I thought to myself more than once "she'd probably be better off dead at this point." I was disgusted with myself and I hope that no one close to me hears me say those words. But then I got curious about that feeling.

Has anyone here seen Midsommar? *spoiler ahead* one of the events of the movie is an old couple willingly taking their own lives, doing so with grace and happiness (and not a small amount of gore unfortunately). When the protagonists of the film reacted to this with horror, they were prompted with the thought that our culture places old people in nursing homes, which in some ways is just as horrific. Now, I don't condone the public suicide of old people in the name of tradition, but it made me think about ethics. Why is taking your life so horrible when living a ghost of a life in a place where you have no control over your body, your mind, normal? i.e. why is assisted suicide illegal in most places while nursing homes are often negligent to the point of abuse?

It's heartbreaking to watch my grandmother suffer and its conflicting to know that there is a solution which dissolves all pain, and that is dying. And in the end I cannot place myself in her shoes, I really know nothing of her mind or what she's holding onto in life. But I hope that when I get to an age where my mind fails before my body or my body fails before my mind, that I have the strength to leave the world before I become an empty shell. Death will be on my terms.

If you care to share your thoughts please do. I'd like to not feel so alone in this inner conflict.

 

[whatevs]

Actually, in the movie they have that tradition because they believe in euthanasia. Never mind all the torture and flower-decorated-fuckery that comes later, lol.

Sadly, I cannot add much to your own thoughts. I too decry what goes on in nursing homes, and would much prefer people to die with dignity and less pain while they still can. But this doesn´t seem like something that moves people that much, so it probably will go on like this for quite some time. I think even, that if you talked with your grandma candidly about this she would vigorously reject the idea, especially if she is religious.

The answer to why things are like they are is because people either don´t care about it or are sufficiently satisfied with the current state of affairs. But no doubt that there is something cruel and immature about the way or society handles voluntary death.