Venting self-harming

[Starfire]

People only check you wrists and not your thighs. Put it so high that only those who dare to bare you and those you wanted to bare yourself unto will know.

Physical pain helped me when I was still dealing with the stress of my emotions. I figured I was already fucked up when I was a kid, which made me a socially awkward person, thinking everytime I communicate with them, I will be leaving them all behind anyway.

So, here. Physical pain was way tolerable than emotional one. Alcohol is a solution. The solution. And that thing that helps fade new scars. Every hiss through my teeth and clench of my jaw has been very quiet for years: a painful way of saving myself. Saved me, regardless.

I have my best friend and friends. I have been secretive, however, because I know it's not going to help if I tell anyone about it. People often ask what's wrong and help you stop the act but can't help you drop the thoughts, forget the voices or befriend them. It was all just about cutting the twigs, and not uprooting the whole thing.

But my demons became my confidante. Believe me or not, some of them even pushed me to live. And sometimes, I miss loving to be alone. Wanting to be alone. With my pain. With the struggles no one knows. But there's no point in crying over a spilt milk.

So here I am, again.

 

[succor]

Thank you for sharing your pain. The looming sadness and desire to self destruct feel like an old friend to me at times, a chest to curl into and hide against. I'm disappointed that my partner sees so much of me, as it makes it impossible to hide scars now, but if I suddenly started covering up more it would raise suspicions. Alas.

 

[Starfire]

Thank you for sharing your pain. The looming sadness and desire to self destruct feel like an old friend to me at times, a chest to curl into and hide against. I'm disappointed that my partner sees so much of me, as it makes it impossible to hide scars now, but if I suddenly started covering up more it would raise suspicions. Alas.

Sometimes I think it doesn't matter whether I cover up or not. My body is filled with scars that my family and friends have grown accustomed and adding new cuts and bruises only raises the exact same questions but not really concerns. So I just try to be secretive about it just to avoid answering the questions- which I think they don't really care to find out the answer to. Sometimes I think they just ask why did I do it or what seems to be the problem this time just to have something to say. But in the back of their mind I'm guessing they're thinking it's nothing serious. They have somewhat normalized it. I'm kind of angry and disappointed about it but part of me is also relieved for some reason.