Self harm recovery journey

[sadbeans]

In two days I'll be a month clean. I don't know if I feel better or worse. The society I was brought up in made vaping seem evil and despicable, so in the past my teenage brain somehow decided that self harm was the more "honourable" and "acceptable" habit. Stuck with it through the years, never picked up a vape. I'm determined to end sh this time around, but the inner conflict over the temptation to switch to vaping had been taking a toll on me emotionally. It seems stupid really, considering I am already set on ending my life early the health risks vaping poses are insubstantial, but my inner child feels so hurt and disappointed that I'm turning to nicotine. I do want to avoid a nicotine addiction, or any addiction really in my remaining days, just got to find the energy to resist both vaping and sh.

 

[timf]

Sometime SH or addictions begin as a way to have a feeling of control. They can end as having control over you. You may want to experiment with all sorts of activities to find something from which your get a sense of control

 

[sadbeans]

Sometime SH or addictions begin as a way to have a feeling of control. They can end as having control over you. You may want to experiment with all sorts of activities to find something from which your get a sense of control

Yea, control is definitely a big part of it for me. Haven't really found any healthy alternatives but I guess controlling my addictions can feel rewarding when the urges don't overwhelm me.