• UK users: Due to a formal investigation into this site by Ofcom under the UK Online Safety Act 2023, we strongly recommend using a trusted, no-logs VPN. This will help protect your privacy, bypass censorship, and maintain secure access to the site. Read the full VPN guide here.

  • Hey Guest,

    Today, OFCOM launched an official investigation into Sanctioned Suicide under the UK’s Online Safety Act. This has already made headlines across the UK.

    This is a clear and unprecedented overreach by a foreign regulator against a U.S.-based platform. We reject this interference and will be defending the site’s existence and mission.

    In addition to our public response, we are currently seeking legal representation to ensure the best possible defense in this matter. If you are a lawyer or know of one who may be able to assist, please contact us at [email protected].

    Read our statement here:

    Donate via cryptocurrency:

    Bitcoin (BTC): 34HyDHTvEhXfPfb716EeEkEHXzqhwtow1L
    Ethereum (ETH): 0xd799aF8E2e5cEd14cdb344e6D6A9f18011B79BE9
    Monero (XMR): 49tuJbzxwVPUhhDjzz6H222Kh8baKe6rDEsXgE617DVSDD8UKNaXvKNU8dEVRTAFH9Av8gKkn4jDzVGF25snJgNfUfKKNC8
shy

shy

Student
Aug 23, 2020
122
Long story, but I just had to get it off my chest.

I've decided that before I CTB, I want to at least try to tackle my issues head on. I have had anxiety for years now, while anxiety isn't the root cause for me being suicidal, I think living would be a lot easier without it.

So, I contacted my GP and scheduled an appointment to talk about it, that appointment was today. I really didn't want to go and only followed through because I posted about it here before.

It was a fucking shitshow, I was like a deer in headlights, the first few minutes are just one big blur. I could sort of function once I sat down, too late. I realized then that I just agreed to having a doctor in training sit in on our conversation. Why does this med-student have to be interning when I finally muster up the courage to seek help? And even worse why do I answer every question with yes when I'm panicking? I could just have said no.

The next 30 minutes where hellish, I started crying not even 5 minutes in, it felt good though, I can't remember the last time I cried properly like that. My GP has known me and my family for a long time, so he brought up all the shit I didn't want to talk about. I ended up crying in front of two people instead of one and the trainee has a ton of dirt on me now. I already put her on my hitlist, my imaginary gang of thugs is going to make sure that she won't talk. It's not that bad, when I think about it rationally. I spend a lot of energy hiding my anxiety, I'd be more relaxed if more people knew about it.

A normal consultation is 15 minutes, they spent 30+ with me and it felt like he genuinely wanted to help me get better. I walked out of there, tears still running down my cheeks. I felt sort of relieved, but also tiered. Why does recovery have to be so hard? I would honestly prefer to just fall over and be dead. However, I'm committed to give it my best shot.

The waiting list for psychologist is very long, if you were to take the standard route. So, my GP and I have decided that it's faster to go through a program my university offers. The thought of contacting them makes my skin crawl. He also prescribed me benzos…. I don't know if taking them is a good call!? He was even talking about getting me on SSRIs.
 
  • Hugs
  • Love
Reactions: GoodPersonEffed, Chupacabra 44, CuddleHug and 1 other person
Cherrypea

Cherrypea

I remember when all this will be again
May 3, 2020
414
That doesn't sound like a disaster at all, you showed how you feel and he understood. Well done. Try the benzos, they do calm you and might help you take the next step xx
 
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: GoodPersonEffed, Chupacabra 44, Deleted member 19654 and 1 other person
Chupacabra 44

Chupacabra 44

If boredom were a CTB method, I would be long gone
Sep 13, 2020
710
Long story, but I just had to get it off my chest.

I've decided that before I CTB, I want to at least try to tackle my issues head on. I have had anxiety for years now, while anxiety isn't the root cause for me being suicidal, I think living would be a lot easier without it.

So, I contacted my GP and scheduled an appointment to talk about it, that appointment was today. I really didn't want to go and only followed through because I posted about it here before.

It was a fucking shitshow, I was like a deer in headlights, the first few minutes are just one big blur. I could sort of function once I sat down, too late. I realized then that I just agreed to having a doctor in training sit in on our conversation. Why does this med-student have to be interning when I finally muster up the courage to seek help? And even worse why do I answer every question with yes when I'm panicking? I could just have said no.

The next 30 minutes where hellish, I started crying not even 5 minutes in, it felt good though, I can't remember the last time I cried properly like that. My GP has known me and my family for a long time, so he brought up all the shit I didn't want to talk about. I ended up crying in front of two people instead of one and the trainee has a ton of dirt on me now. I already put her on my hitlist, my imaginary gang of thugs is going to make sure that she won't talk. It's not that bad, when I think about it rationally. I spend a lot of energy hiding my anxiety, I'd be more relaxed if more people knew about it.

A normal consultation is 15 minutes, they spent 30+ with me and it felt like he genuinely wanted to help me get better. I walked out of there, tears still running down my cheeks. I felt sort of relieved, but also tiered. Why does recovery have to be so hard? I would honestly prefer to just fall over and be dead. However, I'm committed to give it my best shot.

The waiting list for psychologist is very long, if you were to take the standard route. So, my GP and I have decided that it's faster to go through a program my university offers. The thought of contacting them makes my skin crawl. He also prescribed me benzos…. I don't know if taking them is a good call!? He was even talking about getting me on SSRIs.


I too have horrible anxiety and your story resonates with me.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: shy
shy

shy

Student
Aug 23, 2020
122
I too have horrible anxiety and your story resonates with me.
There are a bunch of us out there, were all just forced into hiding. We can get better somehow, my defeatist mentality has kept me from trying and makes the whole process so damn hard.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Chupacabra 44

Similar threads

annxietty
Replies
3
Views
221
Suicide Discussion
lovestained
L
C
Replies
2
Views
129
Offtopic
c.c
C
The Unanswered Q
Replies
19
Views
282
Suicide Discussion
The Unanswered Q
The Unanswered Q
Someplace_nice
Replies
1
Views
117
Recovery
timf
T