Scared of CTB being ruined.

[xoozsnav]

I've had a set date to CTB for a few weeks now. Partial if anyone is wondering. I've been getting everything in order whenever I have some alone time. Recently my parents found out about my self-harm and drinking habit, and they know something is up, They've been keeping a much heavier eye on me while I assume they discuss what to do with me. At the rate this is going they're going to wind up walking in on it. I've finally gotten this far and the idea that this could all be ruined over my shitty ability at finding good hiding places is starting to get to me. I know I don't have much longer before they decide to institutionalize me (I've been in and out of therapy for previous issues relating to my anxiety and suspected BD), but I can't bring myself to do it before everything is in order. I haven't even decided where my money is going, and who's going to get my possessions. I just can't handle the idea that I might be stuck for another few years if I get caught. Sorry if this was kinda sporadic, I'm rather new here, just needed to get this off my chest :).

 

[pole]

hey, hope you're doing well and welcome to the site.

sorry about what you're going through and your new problems in dealing with your parents knowing about what your going through. its definitely a new level of stress you have to shoulder.

don't apologize for anything. your post didn't come off as sporadic at all. i hope venting and talking about what your going through and how you feel can sort of help you in someway.

hope you find peace with whatever decision you choose to make.

take care.

 

[ecmnesia]

sorry about what you are going through... not sure if it's a good idea, but maybe, if you faked being compliant that might help them unleash you, like maybe you could say that you want to go to therapy, it wouldn't be as good as not going, but at least that'd make them feel that you are actually trying to get better and not up to something...