Tautochrome
Exploder
- Nov 22, 2025
- 95
I fear the process of dying, but what I fear even more is staying in this hellhole for another 60 or so years. People wish you a long life like it's supposed to be a good thing, talk about you having plenty of time trying to make you feel hopeful. Well, maybe I'd be able to enjoy it a little more if it had an off switch. Seriously, why on earth would I want to spend 40 more years working and paying taxes, waiting for tiny scraps of happiness? I don't like myself, I don't like the human condition, I don't look forward to anything and even the classic scenarios of success such as finding a loving partner, becoming rich, making a scientific breakthrough don't appeal to me. Someone would say "then don't follow the universal script, find your own meaning!". Well, shove that up your hole, I'm not settling for some minor personal achievements or niche hobbies either. Nothing's fun, nothing's worth the effort, nothing's being assigned any meaning. Everyone keeps performing for others until they die, and if they grow tired of it, they're screwed.
That's why I want to have an exit route available. Have some N or a powerful zene for use at any time. When there's always a way to escape, life can't trap or corner you. Imagine the state when you can live and die freely, peacefully, on your own terms, with no consequences. I've developed a mildly unhealthy obsession over N, to the point where I'll do anything to get it. It's like the ultimate mission. I'm ready to travel to far away countries, befriend vets, search DN, hell, even synthesize it myself. I will obtain it precisely because the world doesn't want me to have it. Only thing that could stop me is something equally good suddenly appearing on the market. Wish me luck! : p
That's why I want to have an exit route available. Have some N or a powerful zene for use at any time. When there's always a way to escape, life can't trap or corner you. Imagine the state when you can live and die freely, peacefully, on your own terms, with no consequences. I've developed a mildly unhealthy obsession over N, to the point where I'll do anything to get it. It's like the ultimate mission. I'm ready to travel to far away countries, befriend vets, search DN, hell, even synthesize it myself. I will obtain it precisely because the world doesn't want me to have it. Only thing that could stop me is something equally good suddenly appearing on the market. Wish me luck! : p
