Sanctioned Suicide has opened my eyes that suicide is very complex

[FireFox]

I was raised to believe suicide was very selfish and cowardly. Growing up I did believe this to be true until I was 21 and began experiencing suicidal thoughts. I ended up on Sanctioned Suicide because when I reached out the people around me didnt listen and pushed me away. Everyone knew i was depressed but I was just dismissed. The loneliness and difficulties in getting help ulimately made me believe life isn't for me and I saw suicide as an escape from a world I didn't belong in. I wanted a space where nobody judged me.

Reading peoples stories on Sanctioned Suicide on why they want to die really opened my eyes that suicide is complex.

I think of this former user all the time her name was @AcornUnderground. She was an amazing woman who really loved life and didn't even want to die. AcornUnderground really loved her kids, her partner and had an amazing life until her diagnosis of sjögrens syndrome. I have never heard of this illness when she mentioned it. What I learned from her was this illness has no cure and leaves the sufferer in constant chronic pain and causes the persons health to deteriorate.

Reading her story made me realise that nobody wants to leave behind their family and loved ones but when pain whether emotional or physical is so strong the urge to kill yourself becomes so strong too and can't be avoided. She said so on many occasions she didnt want to die and wanted to live but illnesses just made life everyday intolerable . She tried numerous medicines to provide relief from her pain but nothing really worked. The condition left her physically disabled.

She planned to kill herself by going to Switzerland using the assisted suicide programme called Pegasos. She was approved as a candidate for assisted suicide but the covid19 pandemic led to travel bans globalwide. She decided to kill herself at home and came on Sanctioned Suicide looking for methods. Her last post was August 2020. She was always very active and ever so kind to me.

A lot of other people's stories on Sanctioned-suicide.net as shown me how hard people do try to get help for their mental illness but in the end the mental pain is so enormous the urge to leave doesn't go away. For me I now see suicide as someone who gave in the that urge and tried their best to not let the mental illness win. Suicide they just lost their lost battle which they tried so hard to win. That's not cowardly nor selfish

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

Idk I don't see suicide as giving into anything. It's not about letting illness win. Suicide in most cases is a rational response to suffering without relief. In a lot of cases, it's straight up self care.

People who commit suicide are not weak. Or losers of any kind. Because it takes a lot of strength and mental fortitude to go through with it. A level of which most of the normies/nuerotyopicals out there could never hope to have.

Not all of us have been trying to win a battle. Or sometimes the battle is the other way around. If anything a lot of us are fighting to GTFO of here asap. That's the "battle" we are losing, to leave. I do feel for the ones fighting to stay but being forced to leave for some reason or another. I believe that if we have to be forced to stay. Then society should be built to make people want to stay. No one should feel forced either way. To live or die. Humans are just so fucked up, that it'll never be that way while we right now live. And that even in itself is suicidal making.

Not all of us have family, Friends or loved ones to feel bad about leaving behind. Nor should people be guilted or shamed for not feeling bad about the ones left behind. Humans have such toxic views about literally everything and it's one of the reasons I personally want to ctb.

It's not cowardly or selfish regardless of the motivation or the teasoning. For it to be selfish, you'd have to argue that someone other than yourself has some kind of inherent/intrinsic right to your life, your presence and your suffering. Imo, you can't be a good person and argue for that.

I know your point wasn't to generalize all these things. Nor am I accusing you of anything. I just want to be clear about that. Any use of the word "you" is ironically is the general sense of the word. Not you personally, OP.

But the language we use is important when in this kind of space. Generalizations here can be very damaging to other users and the way they think and perceive themselves. I know people like to believe words are powerless and that you have total control over what words can do to you (which is false), but they really aren't. And as an adhd'er. I am particularly sensitive to things that may harm others. Even it's only words or how something is phrased.

On the other side of things. I really wish more people would see how complicated suicide really is. Actually listen to suicidal people as you have done. But it's so often dismissed as "over exaggerating' or "being dramatic". Or that nothing you are going through could possibly warrant such an action.

I didn't know Acorn, but I completely understand her reasoning, with some minor differences. I don't enjoy life at all. But I too have physical issues that are only going to get worse with time and age, on top of extremely treatment resistant mental health.

The "battle" I'm fighting is against people trying to keep me here against my will. I'm losing that big time because pro-lifers make up the majority and probably always will. And until humanity takes a conscious leap forward, it's never going to change. Not in my lifetime, so that's another reason I want to go.

 

[fkyou]

Idk I don't see suicide as giving into anything. It's not about letting illness win. Suicide in most cases is a rational response to suffering without relief. In a lot of cases, it's straight up self care.

People who commit suicide are not weak. Or losers of any kind. Because it takes a lot of strength and mental fortitude to go through with it. A level of which most of the normies/nuerotyopicals out there could never hope to have.

Not all of us have been trying to win a battle. Or sometimes the battle is the other way around. If anything a lot of us are fighting to GTFO of here asap. That's the "battle" we are losing, to leave. I do feel for the ones fighting to stay but being forced to leave for some reason or another. I believe that if we have to be forced to stay. Then society should be built to make people want to stay. No one should feel forced either way. To live or die. Humans are just so fucked up, that it'll never be that way while we right now live. And that even in itself is suicidal making.

Not all of us have family, Friends or loved ones to feel bad about leaving behind. Nor should people be guilted or shamed for not feeling bad about the ones left behind. Humans have such toxic views about literally everything and it's one of the reasons I personally want to ctb.

It's not cowardly or selfish regardless of the motivation or the teasoning. For it to be selfish, you'd have to argue that someone other than yourself has some kind of inherent/intrinsic right to your life, your presence and your suffering. Imo, you can't be a good person and argue for that.

I know your point wasn't to generalize all these things. Nor am I accusing you of anything. I just want to be clear about that. Any use of the word "you" is ironically is the general sense of the word. Not you personally, OP.

But the language we use is important when in this kind of space. Generalizations here can be very damaging to other users and the way they think and perceive themselves. I know people like to believe words are powerless and that you have total control over what words can do to you (which is false), but they really aren't. And as an adhd'er. I am particularly sensitive to things that may harm others. Even it's only words or how something is phrased.

On the other side of things. I really wish more people would see how complicated suicide really is. Actually listen to suicidal people as you have done. But it's so often dismissed as "over exaggerating' or "being dramatic". Or that nothing you are going through could possibly warrant such an action.

I didn't know Acorn, but I completely understand her reasoning, with some minor differences. I don't enjoy life at all. But I too have physical issues that are only going to get worse with time and age, on top of extremely treatment resistant mental health.

The "battle" I'm fighting is against people trying to keep me here against my will. I'm losing that big time because pro-lifers make up the majority and probably always will. And until humanity takes a conscious leap forward, it's never going to change. Not in my lifetime, so that's another reason I want to go.

Fr. Demonizing suicide or shaming the people who do it is stupid. I didn't know how much mental anguish I would've avoided if I ctbed 1 year and a half ago.in just 1 year I've felt things I never did before.time passing wasn't a good thing

 

[artificialpasta]

Cases like the one you cite I can immediately sympathize with. But this site has also taught me that there really are suicides that are just narcissistic or too comforted by self-pity. The other day I spoke with someone who said considering external harm is "cucked" in response to my objection to methods that have the potential to hurt or kill bystanders.

SS has also clarified to me that suicide is complex, but for a different reason - that complexity goes both ways. Not all suicides are selfish but not all are justified either. My fear is that in trying to defeat a culture that assumes the worst of us we create another that unduly glorifies it for young people.

I suspect the bad messaging will remain a problem until we get to a point where the wider culture adopts a more mature and realistic conversation towards suicide and stops treating it like a taboo novelty.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Not all suicides are selfish but not all are justified either.

How do define a "justified suicide"? I never understood that complaint because whether or not suicide is justified to you is completely subjective.

 

[artificialpasta]

How do define a "justified suicide"? I never understood that complaint because whether or not suicide is justified to you is completely subjective.

Even if we can't draw the line sharply we know the line exists. For example, suicide bombings are clearly unacceptable. So we know there's standards of intent and minimizing unnecessary harm to other people. That also happens to be an objective standard. There's also more "trivial" cases where it's clear the person has made the incorrect or premature conclusion. A 13 year old should not be allowed to kill herself because her boyfriend broke up with her.

As we get away from the extremes it gets harder to determine because we can't read minds but that's exactly why we cannot judge one way or the other. It's a personal choice, but a personal choice can be good or bad.

 

[TAW122]

Thanks for sharing your insights and story. While I don't know @AcornUnderground I'm glad to hear she is at peace and that she isn't suffering in this horrible existence as well as fighting her disease. Yes, CTB is quite complex, from battling one's own SI, staying under the radar from the vast majority of people in the world, acquiring "reliable" methods, gathering the courage, and finally, making the attempt (there is always some risk of failure or even intervention, interference by others). So yes, CTB is definitely a sign of courage and not selfish. Sadly most of society still doesn't respect it as a rational, calculated decision that an individual makes and seeks to continually demonize and pathologize it, which is why we continue to have people who go in secrecy and those who discover the aftermath are shocked with the outcome.

As for @Ijustcantanymore that is such a well-thoughtout post and yes, most of us ultimately just want to end suffering on our own terms and sadly most of society still sees CTB as some irrational, unsound of mind action, and even demonize and pathologize it. Ultimately, it would be a projection of their (society's) atavistic morals and insecurity over the inevitable (all living organisms will eventually die in the end). Part of me thinks that most people are afraid of death and hold the "sanctity of life" belief at core, immutable, so instead of having any possibility of their beliefs and values being challenged, they project their own beliefs and do all they can to oppress and obstruct, interfere, intervene against those who are attempting to leave (CTB) on their own terms.

Nevertheless, I agree that CTB is taking back the control over one's own sentience and going on one's own term in order to prevent future unwanted suffering.

 

[fkyou]

thinks that most people are afraid of death and hold the "sanctity of life" belief at core, immutable, so instead of having any possibility of their beliefs and values being challenged, they project their own beliefs and do all they can to oppress and obstruct, interfere, intervene against those who are attempting to leave (CTB) on their own terms.

You know.why do people want to control suicide.what bothers you about someone else making a decision about their life it's not like he killed YOU.is it the parents and their feelings. What you being afraid of death has to do with someone else's death

 

[celtistan]

> Sanctioned Suicide has opened my eyes that suicide is very complex

Yeah most people (including formerly me) think suicide (specifically drug overdose) is quite easy and simple. They imagine one just take a handful of panadol and you go to sleep and RIP. this is a direct result of movies portrayal of the process that implanted such perceptions about the process.

It is quite interesting how my research journey went through in just few months, starting from mere belief of simply overdosing a handful of panadol pills to googling suicide methods, to getting introduced to potentially lethal drugs, to coming across this forum, to coming across books and guides of medical experts.

What astonished me the most though is how difficult is it for a human to die, like i used to see people surviving catastrophic and unimaginable injuries on watchpeopledie, most people seem to not realize how resilient human body is. Especially with the impact of modern medicine.

 

[Cauliflour]

This website is great as a writer who values realism in my borderline torture porn!

In all seriousness though, this website has greatly enriched my view on myself and suicidal people due to it filling in the gaps of the depths that regular media never touches. I shall use this new found knowledge to make even more horrifying pieces of literature because I am a sadist to my countless OCs.