Venting runaway

[ecmnesia]

it's a childish dream, one I could never fulfill.

but if I was strong enough I would runaway from all of this, and maybe, that could make me want to stay. maybe I'd want to live.

I'd drop out of college. Throw out my phone. I'd cut ties with all of my family and friends. And then maybe, just maybe, the chains that entraps me would disappear.

not sure what I would do. but I wouldn't take much with me, basic clothes, a music player, a kindle, some money. I'd strive for nothing, and in nothingness I would thrive.

I'd work as little as possible, enough to eat and go around, maybe I'd try to help people with the little knowledge I have, I'd watch the clouds and the stars and I'd sleep in the grass under the night sky.

and maybe, just maybe, I could feel happy, even if for only a moment. maybe I could then learn what is like to wish to live.

 

[Gnip]

I knew from a pretty early age that there was no possibility I could be happy and successful AND have my family as a part of my life. It was either going to be all one, or all the other.

My father had the underworld connections to have me hunted down and killed if I tried to run away, and the willingness to do so. The most completely evil person I have ever heard of existing in this world.