hyacinths
Member
- Sep 25, 2021
- 74
i feel like everytime someone expresses having romantic feelings for me, and i reciprocate those emotions (or vise versa) i have such a surge in suicidal and negative thoughts. i have a problem with being vulnerable in the first place, and it seems to get worse and worse with every sort of relationship i have.
i met someone who's really nice to me and really likes me, someone who seems really patient with me and my needs, and i like them back a lot too. but there's just too many factors that make this feel impossible for me. the biggest one is time, since we met online and bonded over video games, they're 10+ hours ahead of me which is difficult enough. my last relationship was also online, but the person i was dating was extremely neglectful towards me. im having a hard time being willing to get into another one, especially since the person im talking to now will be eating breakfast while im preparing for bed basically. theyre also extremely successful and talented, someone who works hard everyday for their dreams, but im just a suicidal loser who spent the last year in their bed, unemployed and unmotivated. i constantly find myself asking why they like me and feel like once they know who the real person i am they'll begin to hate me so im really trying not to rush anything. i don't want to become happy and excited about this possible relationship for them to realize how much they dislike me and break things off. idk. im just a piece of shit who doesn't like to be vulnerable
i met someone who's really nice to me and really likes me, someone who seems really patient with me and my needs, and i like them back a lot too. but there's just too many factors that make this feel impossible for me. the biggest one is time, since we met online and bonded over video games, they're 10+ hours ahead of me which is difficult enough. my last relationship was also online, but the person i was dating was extremely neglectful towards me. im having a hard time being willing to get into another one, especially since the person im talking to now will be eating breakfast while im preparing for bed basically. theyre also extremely successful and talented, someone who works hard everyday for their dreams, but im just a suicidal loser who spent the last year in their bed, unemployed and unmotivated. i constantly find myself asking why they like me and feel like once they know who the real person i am they'll begin to hate me so im really trying not to rush anything. i don't want to become happy and excited about this possible relationship for them to realize how much they dislike me and break things off. idk. im just a piece of shit who doesn't like to be vulnerable
