Venting Relationship/Friendships

[goodbyebunny .]

For years now i've struggled to maintain any relationship/friendship i've had. I've always wanted the best for the person but didn't realise I never took care of myself until it was too late. I try my best to see the positive side of things but It doesn't do any good anymore.

Every time i want to do something good it goes bad.
One minute i love the person and enjoy their company, the next minute i despise them.
I guess you could say i don't have very stable emotions,
sometimes i wish i could completely get rid of them.
But at this point i want to isolate myself;
yet, i want to be surrounded by my loved ones.
My emotions don't make sense to me and when I lash out I hurt the ones I truly care about the most
Not because i want to
But simply because I have no control.
I've tried hobbies, sports, extra studying but none of that helps,
it only drifts me away from my problems and before I know it, I'm back in the place i was before, my heart pounding uncontrollably through my chest

I just want the pain to go away but It never will, I lost all hope
I just want to be happy

 

[fearmenot]

You might have borderline personality disorder

 

[LastWhisper]

Oh, the same for me, exactly. I've ruined every my relationships/friendships due to such behavior and I can't really do anything to stop it. Every. Fucking. Time.

 

[KClown]

Hello.

Really unfortunate I cant give any helpful advice. If I somehow didnt manage to completely remove my emotions I would probably end up in situation similar to yours. An yet there is nothing, by removing my emotions I became hollow. Woldn't recommend repeating my mistakes.

Perhaps a positive and understanding environment will be able to ease your pain and help you get a better grip on your emotions, if so, this forum welcomes you.
Feel free to create more posts and chat with people.

 

[dropdeadfred]

Same, same, same... my shit is unglued 9 times out of 10.

 

[goodbyebunny .]

i'm thinking about trying to get some sort of diagnosis to see if i have BPD but i can't at the moment because of covid unfortunately

 

[Deleted member 17949]

It's hard having random negative emotions towards people. I get really anxious and paranoid that people hate me and ghost them at times, which usually means nothing but with some friends that's basically the end of the friendship.