Venting Relapsing With SH & Guilt

[firewoodduck]

I've had a problem with SH since I was 12 and its coming back. I feel so guilty I promised a friend that I wouldn't and haven't told him yet. Idk if I'll ever tell him.

I came close to passing out, I got really lightheaded, nauseous, and my ears started ringing. I was dizzy to the point of not being able to stand so I crawled to the bathroom and the cool tile kinda grounded me. This has happened both times I relapsed this year. I never had this reaction when I was younger so its odd that I have it now, has anyone else experienced this or know why?

The friend that I promised would be really distraught if he found out. He's said before that he would come to my house to stop me from hurting myself (10-15 min drive) and though hes done some shitty things, he really truly cares about me. He gets upset when I joke about offing myself or talk about not wanting to live. Hes said recently that if I killed my self he would also attempt bc he feels responsible for how I feel. Hes going though enough rn, telling him I relapsed might destroy him.

I reached out for help today and am talking to a professional tomorrow, not gonna the mention the sh just talk about my problems. I don't really know the lady I'm talking to so I hope it goes well

 

[2messdup]

I've had a problem with SH since I was 12 and its coming back. I feel so guilty I promised a friend that I wouldn't and haven't told him yet. Idk if I'll ever tell him.

I came close to passing out, I got really lightheaded, nauseous, and my ears started ringing. I was dizzy to the point of not being able to stand so I crawled to the bathroom and the cool tile kinda grounded me. This has happened both times I relapsed this year. I never had this reaction when I was younger so its odd that I have it now, has anyone else experienced this or know why?

The friend that I promised would be really distraught if he found out. He's said before that he would come to my house to stop me from hurting myself (10-15 min drive) and though hes done some shitty things, he really truly cares about me. He gets upset when I joke about offing myself or talk about not wanting to live. Hes said recently that if I killed my self he would also attempt bc he feels responsible for how I feel. Hes going though enough rn, telling him I relapsed might destroy him.

I reached out for help today and am talking to a professional tomorrow, not gonna the mention the sh just talk about my problems. I don't really know the lady I'm talking to so I hope it goes well

Why will you not mention self harm? If you're in the UK it's highly unlikely there will be any consequences. Maybe they could help you to find better ways of coping?

 

[firewoodduck]

im not in the UK lol. My therapist also said that if I mentioned wanting to hurt my self or if she had reason to believe I had hurt myself she'd have to break patient confidentiality and tell my parents. Its the law where I live she don't rlly have a choice lol. I've been trying to find better ways of coping, actually haven't cut myself since i made this post :)