Venting Recovery didn't work.

[claeasi]

I made a post here a while ago saying I was going to try to kill myself. I almost, almost succeeded, I got so close, but I couldn't. It's all unbearable, I don't know why I can't even do that. I went to therapy while I was away, but it was useless. I had stopped self-harming for a while, but unfortunately I've started again, This time it's even worse than before. My family is treating me like I'm sick, they treat me "well" out of pity.
Life is complicated, really. Even though I have everything, I feel like I don't have what I want, you know? It's like I'm ungrateful, and not that I'm not ungrateful because, well, I think I am.
I don't want to live an unhappy life, I just want to finally rest in peace, to truly achieve that. Sometimes I hesitate to do this because of people who love me, but I've realized that love doesn't save, it never has saved me.
Yes, I tried everything to have a good recovery, but I really couldn't. I tried to change my habits, I even started a relationship, but how can I say I love someone if I don't even love myself? It's really a farce, a lie...

 

[duusti?]

yeah i tried to change my habits a couple times as well. it didnt really work as i just went back to "normal" after max a couple of weeks. i just feel really helpless and stuck in life, dont even know what to do next. i dont really self harm but i was on the verge of attempting a couple of times, but i couldnt bring myself to it. relationships also dont work out for me because as u said "how can I say I love someone if I don't even love myself?".

 

[InvasionOfPublicity]

Yes, I tried everything to have a good recovery, but I really couldn't. I tried to change my habits,

hey, i don't know if i can give much in terms of insight, but i hope you keep trying. if you believe that life is good and worth living (ironic considering you're on this site) you can keep trying. therapy and self-help might not be the way for you, but im sure you'll find the right outlet eventually. i don't want to sound tone-deaf here because i truly don't know your situation, so i hope i don't come off as imposing or misunderstanding.

one last note: if you're grateful and truly do love your family the way you say you are, then thats enough. you are enough and i wish you all the best. take care.

 

[Terrible_Life]

This is very interesting because the only thing which really stopped me so far was the thought that seeking help might change my life which is absolutely unrealistic but still si will take everything it can to change your mind and prevent you from ctb. Now I see posts like this often and I understand you. I also tried it by seeking help many times before in my life but the help didn't really change anything. I am aware of the fact that my suicide is inevitable ….

 

[claeasi]

yeah i tried to change my habits a couple times as well. it didnt really work as i just went back to "normal" after max a couple of weeks. i just feel really helpless and stuck in life, dont even know what to do next. i dont really self harm but i was on the verge of attempting a couple of times, but i couldnt bring myself to it. relationships also dont work out for me because as u said "how can I say I love someone if I don't even love myself?".

I'm glad you weren't hurt, because many times things can get out of our control without us realizing it.

hey, i don't know if i can give much in terms of insight, but i hope you keep trying. if you believe that life is good and worth living (ironic considering you're on this site) you can keep trying. therapy and self-help might not be the way for you, but im sure you'll find the right outlet eventually. i don't want to sound tone-deaf here because i truly don't know your situation, so i hope i don't come off as imposing or misunderstanding.

one last note: if you're grateful and truly do love your family the way you say you are, then thats enough. you are enough and i wish you all the best. take care.

Thank you so much for saying this. You weren't tone-deaf, and i genuinely appreciate your kindness.

hey, i don't know if i can give much in terms of insight, but i hope you keep trying. if you believe that life is good and worth living (ironic considering you're on this site) you can keep trying. therapy and self-help might not be the way for you, but im sure you'll find the right outlet eventually. i don't want to sound tone-deaf here because i truly don't know your situation, so i hope i don't come off as imposing or misunderstanding.

one last note: if you're grateful and truly do love your family the way you say you are, then thats enough. you are enough and i wish you all the best. take care.

Thank you so much for saying this. You weren't tone-deaf, and i genuinely appreciate your kindness.

This is very interesting because the only thing which really stopped me so far was the thought that seeking help might change my life which is absolutely unrealistic but still si will take everything it can to change your mind and prevent you from ctb. Now I see posts like this often and I understand you. I also tried it by seeking help many times before in my life but the help didn't really change anything. I am aware of the fact that my suicide is inevitable ….

Exactly, i just hope that what you and i are feeling is just a phase, like everyone says it is