deathlamp
creature made of clay
- Jul 7, 2022
- 16
hey guys! so ive been away frm here 4 a while but i just wanted 2 make a post checking in. so ive been in da psych ward about 3 weeks now, but dese last 2 weeks i feel my life has finally turned around and i wanted 2 share:)
so i suffer from anorexia and suicidal depression and anxiety, and a few weeks ago i checked in2 da psych ward bc i was at risk 4 ctb. dat first week i did not accept help wat so ever and eventually checked myself out 2 attempt. i took an overdose at home and my heart wound up stopping a few hours later in da hospital. so i sort of finally got 2 die!
i hav no recollection of da ambulance ride or my time in da ER at all. i jus woke up back in da psych ward a few days later wid powerful hallucinations and barely able 2 walk lmao
i spent around 3 days like dat and i dont kno wat happened in da time but something abt my heart stopping and dat whole deal made it click 4 me dat i was "sick enough" and dat things had finally gone 2 far and i started accepting help 4 my anorexia. im also moving out of my shithole apartment soon and will b living in da same building as my older brother and a bunch of ppl im acquainted wid:)
all dis 2 say dat after years and years(pretty much my whole life) of seeing NO way out 4 myself othr den suicide ive finally started thinking differently and i can not express in words wat a relief(?) it has been. i kno im still sick and things will continue 2 b difficult, and i dont feel as if ive had some "epiphany" or anything.
i say dis bc ive seen othrs in similar situations hav some "big shift" and den burn themselves out bc dey think their whole life has 2 change Right Away and get super disappointed wen dat initial rush wears off but i truly dont think dats wats happening. i just feel like i hav a will 2 fight dats nevr been dere in dat way b4. like im ready 2 remind myself dat its a new day 2moro wen i hav a bad day, instead of planning another attempt rite away or something. i just feel hope, genuine hope, and i just felt like sharing dat w all u here<3 i nevr thought it would get better, i dont think it has yet, but i think it has started 2 start.
so i suffer from anorexia and suicidal depression and anxiety, and a few weeks ago i checked in2 da psych ward bc i was at risk 4 ctb. dat first week i did not accept help wat so ever and eventually checked myself out 2 attempt. i took an overdose at home and my heart wound up stopping a few hours later in da hospital. so i sort of finally got 2 die!
i hav no recollection of da ambulance ride or my time in da ER at all. i jus woke up back in da psych ward a few days later wid powerful hallucinations and barely able 2 walk lmao
i spent around 3 days like dat and i dont kno wat happened in da time but something abt my heart stopping and dat whole deal made it click 4 me dat i was "sick enough" and dat things had finally gone 2 far and i started accepting help 4 my anorexia. im also moving out of my shithole apartment soon and will b living in da same building as my older brother and a bunch of ppl im acquainted wid:)
all dis 2 say dat after years and years(pretty much my whole life) of seeing NO way out 4 myself othr den suicide ive finally started thinking differently and i can not express in words wat a relief(?) it has been. i kno im still sick and things will continue 2 b difficult, and i dont feel as if ive had some "epiphany" or anything.
i say dis bc ive seen othrs in similar situations hav some "big shift" and den burn themselves out bc dey think their whole life has 2 change Right Away and get super disappointed wen dat initial rush wears off but i truly dont think dats wats happening. i just feel like i hav a will 2 fight dats nevr been dere in dat way b4. like im ready 2 remind myself dat its a new day 2moro wen i hav a bad day, instead of planning another attempt rite away or something. i just feel hope, genuine hope, and i just felt like sharing dat w all u here<3 i nevr thought it would get better, i dont think it has yet, but i think it has started 2 start.
