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Cyber4ngel!

Cyber4ngel!

Despite all my rage im still just a rat in a cage
Aug 24, 2024
87
hi guys, I know I haven't been here too long, and I dont wanna say farewell yet but life is shit rn and i dont think it will get better, people here are amazing tho

I still don't have any fixed method, but I was exploring the idea of jumping and I wanted to know how lethal it is, if there is a position I have to jump or a specific number of floors, and also if there is a way to make it less horrible for the person that finds me

As I mentioned in my introduction I have a very abusive family and a few months ago I was able to go live with my brother, the problem is I can't get a job and he doesn't earn much, and we can't keep up with the cost of rent and groceries, so it is almost certain unless I miraculously get a job or win the lottery or money somehow that I will have to go back to my father's house.

that would mean death, again eating leftovers from the garbage, not being allowed to use the shower or do laundry, my room being searched and my stuff being thrown away.
and most importantly my cat being taken away, my precious cat who is my only reason to live, so far my only suicide note I have written is for him and no one else, and I can't live without him being that he will surely end up in the street if I dont find someone.

I would also have to go back to live with my stepbrother who tried to SA me when I was 13 and locked me in the yard alone with him, and that until the last day I lived in that house he spied on me through the window of my room.

It's either kill me on my own or be killed through neglect.

I have to see who to leave my kitty with yet, and my method is not fixed but I wanted to know in case I jump, bc jumping is the most accessible for me, although I would have liked to look prettier in my last moment, I still don't have a definite date and I really don't know if the time is really going to come when I really kill myself because I don't have the balls, but I am totally trapped, to make it worse I am falling fast into addictions so if I stay alive I would end up being an addict anyway..

I dont really care about pain or if its peaceful as long as it is something effective and highly lethal, but probably I still won't have the balls to do it, I'm questioning everything yet.. I hope you dont judge me too much for being confused

Anyways here's a silly cat while I figure shit out

funny cat GIF
 
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Reactions: MBiopic, _AllCatsAreGrey_, StaticCryBabye and 1 other person
StaticCryBabye

StaticCryBabye

Sorrowful Pixel
Apr 9, 2023
204
If you don't care about pain or peacefulness that much, have you considered hanging or partial hanging at all?
 
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Cyber4ngel!

Cyber4ngel!

Despite all my rage im still just a rat in a cage
Aug 24, 2024
87
If you don't care about pain or peacefulness that much, have you considered hanging or partial hanging at all?
I have! I just fear that I will fail on the preparations or bc of SI, tried it once but failed, I definitely didn't know what I was doing though, I'm still researching methods, I saw someone post a guide on hanging so I will check it out too
My idea on jumping was bc of the little time that SI has to fuck things up, once i jump I can't go back, I struggle a lot with SI even if I don't really care that much about pain
 
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Avoider

Avoider

Member
Aug 25, 2024
18
Hello 4ngel. I am sorry for what you are going through.
Why do you think you cannot get a job? I haven't read your introduction but it looks like staying with your brother would be the best option.
As for jumping - I considered it myself- there is plenty of information available on the internet. A quick Google search will answer most of your questions. There even is very informative videos on YouTube. All I can say is that nothing is guaranteed. Some people die from very little height, others survive huge ones. Obviously, the higher the better but it highly depends on how you fall. Landing on Concrete is of course more lethal than sand or dirt.
I would not trust this method enough and SI might be hard to overcome.
Take care of your cat.
 
Upvote 0
MBiopic

MBiopic

Dreamer
Apr 10, 2023
55
hi guys, I know I haven't been here too long, and I dont wanna say farewell yet but life is shit rn and i dont think it will get better, people here are amazing tho

I still don't have any fixed method, but I was exploring the idea of jumping and I wanted to know how lethal it is, if there is a position I have to jump or a specific number of floors, and also if there is a way to make it less horrible for the person that finds me

As I mentioned in my introduction I have a very abusive family and a few months ago I was able to go live with my brother, the problem is I can't get a job and he doesn't earn much, and we can't keep up with the cost of rent and groceries, so it is almost certain unless I miraculously get a job or win the lottery or money somehow that I will have to go back to my father's house.

that would mean death, again eating leftovers from the garbage, not being allowed to use the shower or do laundry, my room being searched and my stuff being thrown away.
and most importantly my cat being taken away, my precious cat who is my only reason to live, so far my only suicide note I have written is for him and no one else, and I can't live without him being that he will surely end up in the street if I dont find someone.

I would also have to go back to live with my stepbrother who tried to SA me when I was 13 and locked me in the yard alone with him, and that until the last day I lived in that house he spied on me through the window of my room.

It's either kill me on my own or be killed through neglect.

I have to see who to leave my kitty with yet, and my method is not fixed but I wanted to know in case I jump, bc jumping is the most accessible for me, although I would have liked to look prettier in my last moment, I still don't have a definite date and I really don't know if the time is really going to come when I really kill myself because I don't have the balls, but I am totally trapped, to make it worse I am falling fast into addictions so if I stay alive I would end up being an addict anyway..

I dont really care about pain or if its peaceful as long as it is something effective and highly lethal, but probably I still won't have the balls to do it, I'm questioning everything yet.. I hope you dont judge me too much for being confused

Anyways here's a silly cat while I figure shit out

funny cat GIF
sorry in advance for the longread :'>

Hi, 4angel! I've got to say, I really love your profile's aesthetic, you seem like an incredibly cool person, so I am very sorry you're going through such pain. We would never, ever judge you for being confused. You are in a safe, accepting place here.

I related a lot to what you said about addictions. I myself am a person who's at risk of getting addicted to pretty much everything pretty much instantly. Alcohol, benzos, soft drugs, self-harm - you name it, I've been through or very close to it. I'm just saying that so that you know you're not alone and I understand you very well.

I have also chosen jumping as my method after several fails and hiccups with the full suspension/partial hanging method. I like it because if I find a building that is tall enough, death will be instant and painless. And I get to enjoy a few seconds of (really) unprofessional skydiving beforehand! :D

Anyways, here's what I learned about jumping as a method:

- Almost any fall can be lethal, but also almost any fall can be survived.

- If I'm looking for a safe bet, people recommend a building that's AT LEAST 10 stories high.

- I have to land on a hard surface, like concrete.

- I have to land head first, so that I'm killed instantly.

Note: if a person jumps from a building that's around 100m (~328 feet?) it doesn't really matter what body part they land on, because the force will be good enough for a total "splat".

Hope I helped and didn't sound like a cynical bastard, I also wish you the very best in everything you do. We will be okay!
 
Upvote 0
Gangrel

Gangrel

Mage
Jul 25, 2024
504
Have you tried going to stores or around houses saying you need a job? maybe you can offer to clean, even if unnoficial, it pays decently well and it's always on demand. I know this is not on topic of jumping. Just would be sad to see you go and it's hard to see alternatives when we so suicidal.
 
Upvote 0

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